Bound (2015)

I have a general policy to never say that a movie featuring Daniel Baldwin is “good.” That also applies to Billy Baldwin, but that’s off topic. Anyway, The Asylum’s special brand of “mockbusters” are typically pretty bad and it’s generally safe to say that they all suck. But every once in a while… there’s one that sucks slightly less than the others.

Bound is The Asylum piggybacking off Fifty Shades of Grey. The dude’s name is Ryan Black, for fuck’s sake. This has a lot in common with Fifty Shades, in that the entire time I was thinking about vampires way more than the story wanted me to–it stars Ms. Charisma Carpenter as Michelle Mulan, who I will always recognize as Cordelia Chase from Buffy the Vampire Slayer! And you get to see her breasts in the opening shot, if you’re into that sort of thing!

Back to the plot, as a mockbuster this follows the general plot of Fifty Shades: an unassertive woman meets a domineering man into BDSM, and a deeply flawed romance blossoms. But where Christian Grey was not supposed to be seen as a total bastard, Ryan Black absolutely is. He’s a predator, and when Michelle rebuffs his advances he tries to have sex with her underage daughter. Fucking yikes. In the end Michelle tortures him until he says he’ll leave her daughter alone, the cops are called on him, Michelle explores her interest in BDSM, and she gains confidence she uses to succeed at work and in her personal/sexual life.

I hated that meme that went around years ago, “Still a better love story than Twilight.” Low hanging fruit and was rarely funny. But this… I think it’s better than Fifty Shades. The BDSM is presented more accurately, the creepy actions of Mr. Black are because he’s a sociopath and not some tortured soul in need of love, and our protagonist grows as a character. Fifty Shades has a LOT wrong with it, but this mockbuster seemed to look at all of those and say, “We can fix it.”

I’m actually giving praise to an Asylum movie. What have I become…?

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