Girl on the Third Floor (2019)

I don’t actively seek out movies starring wrestlers, I swear. But who could say no to a horror movie starring Mr. CM Punk? Sure, he had left WWE by the time I started watching, but I’m always curious how wrestlers are outside of the ring, especially since they’re molded to be actors/performers.

CM Punk, real name Phil Brooks and character name Don, is renovating a house that oozes fluids from every hole in anticipation of moving in with his pregnant wife. Through details here and there we get the idea that he’s not the best person, and the ghosts of the house are out to test his character. After sleeping with a college-age girl and rejecting her, the ghostly Sarah kills Don’s friend, kills his dog, and is then killed by him when enough is enough. Then the other ghost tags in, murdering him with marbles (it’s better than it sounds). When the pregnant wife shows up, the house wastes no time showing her how haunted it is, and even explains why it has ghosts. In the end the ghosts are dealt with and all seems good for the single mother and her baby. And the ghost of CM Punk is even there to watch over them! I guess they didn’t get rid of all the ghosts…

This movie is fascinating to me in that it’s framed as a mystery, but not for any of the people in it. From the very start the movie sets the tone that it is a horror movie, with little clues here and there as to why the house is haunted. But the characters? Outside of the people who were here before Don moved in and know the history, no one realizes they’re in a horror movie until it’s far too late (about an hour in). However, I do wish more information was given throughout instead of having a ghost deliver an exposition dump at the very end, but even with that I found the movie to be enjoyable. Suitably creepy, a little funny at times, and a great film to watch at midnight with a friend in an independent theater.


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