Tag: monsters
-
Feast (2005)
Do you ever watch a movie and immediately forget the characters’ names? Like, the Friday the 13th reboot was about… uh… Mr. Jared Padalecki looking for… someone, and uh… okay, I remember one of the stoners was named “Chewie,” but that’s it. Gun to my head I couldn’t tell you any of the others’ names. Well it’s not just me, because that issue is addressed by Feast and its sequels! We have characters with descriptive names that tell you everything you need to know, like Bartender, Beer Guy (Judah Friedlander), Honey Pie, and… Jason Mewes (Jason Mewes)? You get the…
-
The Amazing Bulk (2012)
One of my problems with the IMDB Bottom 100 list is that you need to meet a minimum number of ratings in order to qualify. For example, Diary of a Cannibal (the worst movie I’ve ever seen) has an IMDB rating of 1.4, lower than Disaster Movie, the movie in the #1 spot on the list with a score of 2.0. But Disaster Movie has almost 87 thousand ratings, while Cannibal has (as of writing) 746. There are so many movies worse than Disaster Movie but they don’t have enough views to show up on official “worst” lists. All this…
-
Slender Man (2018)
2021, baby! Happy New Year! After a remarkably shitty year we’ve entered into a new one full of possibility, and I’m starting it off by reviewing absolute dogshit. January is dedicated to movies considered to be “the worst ever.” I’ve already touched on a few on the IMDB Bottom 100 like The Room, Cats, Batman & Robin, and even Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas earlier this week. Then there are the movies from Rotten Tomato’s “The Worst Horror Movies of All Time” list, including Brahms: The Boy II, Fantasy Island, and the Jacob’s Ladder remake. And I’ve also talked about a…
-
The Descent (2005)
Surprise, bitches! I don’t know why I said that, you are lovely readers and I treasure each and every one of you. Anyway, this is a super extra bonus post! Did you really think that I would end October on a meh film like Children of the Corn: Runaway? Hell no! I saved my favorite horror movie of all time for a special Saturday/Halloween post! At least that’s the excuse as to why I waited 10 months to talk about The Descent.
-
Children of the Corn III: Urban Harvest (1995)
I don’t know why I picked up every single Children of the Corn movie. It started years ago when I did Chwineka Watches 31 Netflix Horror Movies for October and all the Corn movies up to that point (minus Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice for some reason) were available for streaming. Then years later I decided to inflict it all on Movie Night, which… well it didn’t require me to pick up physical copies, but it helped facilitate watching. And now here I am, watching the whole series for a third time. Which is a long winded…
-
Digging Up the Marrow (2015)
A monster’s design can make or break a movie. There are countless times where I’ve been watching a movie and once the dreaded beast is shown to the audience it’s… bad. Sometimes REALLY bad. So I want to start off by saying that the majority of the monsters in Digging Up the Marrow look great! It’s just a shame that they couldn’t be in something better.
-
Amityville: Mt. Misery Road (2018)
Ha ha HA!! I bet you saw the title and thought to yourself, “Oh thank god, he’s finally done with all that Mothman shit.” WELL THINK AGAIN, DEAR READER!! Turns out Tubi had one last movie with Mothman, and this time there’s an actual Mothman in it! Sure, it was for two seconds, and it was actually a dream, and it looked like garbage, but still!
-
Moth (2017)
So a friend of mine enjoys a theory about The Blair Witch Project that says there was nothing supernatural in the movie at all; Josh and Mike were faking everything to fuck with Heather. While I can see someone having that galaxy brain take, I’m personally not a fan. Not that I’m opposed to fakeouts like that! It’s just that when a movie intentionally goes for a twist like that it has to be done with care, otherwise you get something shitty like The Turning. Why bring this up when I’m going to be talking about yet another Mothman movie?…
-
The Mothman Curse (2014)
What’s worse than a Mothman movie with a bad Mothman? A Mothman movie that doesn’t have any Mothman! Yeah, we’re still on America’s second favorite cryptid (I’ll get to you another day, Bigfoot), and today’s movie is just… bad. Astonishingly bad. So bad that I’m skipping a normal recap and just ripping right into the fucker.
-
Mothman (2010)
So what do we know about Mothman? Seen around Point Pleasant, West Virginia from 1966-67, it would swoop down and stare at people with its glowing red eyes. Generally described as a tall gray shape with no discernible head and giant wings, its sightings seemingly stopped after the December 15, 1967 Silver Bridge disaster that killed 46 people. And depending on where you go on the internet, it’s the loving monster boyfriend to many. Mothman is an iconic cryptid, so it’s such a shame that so many movies about it fucking suck.
Chwineka Watches 