Amityville: Mt. Misery Road (2018)

Ha ha HA!! I bet you saw the title and thought to yourself, “Oh thank god, he’s finally done with all that Mothman shit.” WELL THINK AGAIN, DEAR READER!! Turns out Tubi had one last movie with Mothman, and this time there’s an actual Mothman in it! Sure, it was for two seconds, and it was actually a dream, and it looked like garbage, but still!

Charlie and his girlfriend Buzi (pronounced like “bougie”) live in Florida but are going to visit Mt. Misery, a very haunted area in Long Island. After having two different people tell them that this is a bad idea they go anyway, filming themselves looking for either Mothman, a hell hound, or the ghost of a woman named Mary who burned down an asylum in the area. Charlie gets tackled by an off screen something and disappears, leaving Buzi fake crying and wandering in the woods, the shadow of her selfie stick covering her face at times. She eventually/apparently dies, and later some random guy finds her camera. There’s the mandatory “bad horror movie jumpscare ending,” and the thing is over in just under an hour and 15 minutes. “But wait, what did this have to do with Amityville?” you may be asking; fuck if I know!

I like to point out when the writer/director is also the star of a movie and how that’s generally not a good sign, but this movie dials that up to eleven. Charlie is played by Mr. Chuck Morrongiello, who is also credited as… well… The first draft of this had me list every time his name appeared in the end credits, but after the thirtieth position I realized that it would take up half the length of the entire post. And his the same goes for Mrs. Karolina Morrongiello, who played Buzi, Mothman, the ghost of Mary, and who was the other half of this two person production. Sure, there were a couple other people who helped, but 90+ percent of the end credits were just their names.

So that means that Karolina was heavily involved in the production of this, right? She’s credited with working on the screenplay, so you would assume so. But that makes the objectifying of her all the more gross. There’s an entire sequence where she shakes her ass in short shorts (Charlie wrote and sang the song), there’s a song about how she has a nice ass (she sang the chorus), she shows off said ass in a bed scene (while wearing skimpy underwear), and there’s even a sequence where we watch her pee with the bathroom door open. We thankfully don’t see anything, but what the actual fuck? Karolina, blink twice if you need to be rescued from your husband! I know people in Florida! They may be able to help!

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