Excision (2012)

Time once again to pull from the list of movies I've referenced but haven't reviewed, so let's roll the equivalent of a 297-sided die! Yes, the number has grown from last time (The Phantom) because I cannot help myself. Anyway... #96! Hm, that's the first of a trilogy and it would flow better if I did all three movies next week, so let's roll again. #87! And that is... oh. Oh my. This is going to be a weird one.

Promising Young Woman (2020)

One of the downsides of doing an event or theme month is that anything that doesn't fit in gets pushed back. I saw Promising Young Woman near the middle of January but it absolutely didn't match that month's "worst ever" theme. Plus, I had already cheesed it by finding a negative review for the good movie Possessor, so doing that twice felt too much like cheating. So here we are in February, talking about a movie that came out in December. Ever so topical.

Are We Not Cats (2018)

I've been sitting on this one for a little while. I watched it during October when I was only doing horror movies, thinking that the "horror" label I saw on several sites was accurate. I don't know if it really counts as a "horror" so much as a "thriller," but I was certainly horrified watching it. Mostly it's a bunch of "body horror." So here it is, ready for November. And it's... oof.

Triggered (2019)

When a friend told me about Triggered, I was confused why she was drawing my attention to a film about kids in the woods with bombs around their necks. But that's 2020's Triggered; 2019's Triggered is about a social justice warrior murdering people. That made a bit more sense given my tendency to watch the worst movies. But maybe this was a parody made in good faith? Maybe the message isn't just, "she's a deranged person who's doing all this for attention." But then I saw it, and unfortunately that's absolutely the message. Well fuck me, I guess.

Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight (1995)

You know what actor I absolutely love? Mr. Billy Zane. I think most people who recognize that name will know him as the bad guy from Titanic first, maybe as one of the guys in Biff’s gang in Back to the Future, and rarely as the titular hero in The Phantom. Hell, he even has a random cameo at the end of the lame Holmes & Watson as himself. But for me, my favorite performance of his will always be Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight.

The Wolves of Kromer (1998)

I honestly don't remember how I first heard about this movie. It's pretty low budget and stars no one you've heard of (one actress was "Historian's Wife" in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and another was Jira from Star Wars I: The Phantom Menace who I had to look up because who the actual fuck is that). Well, Boy George is the occasional narrator, but they had him in the studio for, like, an hour. Anyway, it's a weird little story about wolves. Or gay men. Or gay wolves.

Horns (2013)

I honestly don't know why I dragged my feet on this movie. Harry Potter grows horns and solves a murder, man! And it's based on a novel by Mr. Joe Hill, the pen name of Stephen King's son, whose last work I saw was In the Tall Grass (I'll get to you one day, Locke & Key). If I had taken the time to look at the cast I would've also been blown away by names I recognize: Joe Anderson (Across the Universe), James Remar (The Blackcoat's Daughter), Heather Graham (Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me), and more! It's almost like this movie was made for me! Just a shame about the weak points, though.

Dead & Breakfast (2004)

Is this really the first zombie movie I’ve reviewed here? Huh. Makes sense, as it’s not my favorite horror subgenre and I don’t own many zombie movies, but it’s still a bit surprising. But Dead & Breakfast is not just a zombie movie, though! It’s a horror comedy about an undead spirit possessing the inhabitants of a tiny town, trying to murder everyone they come across and adding the bodies to its growing army. There’s also a zombie line dancing sequence. But let’s start at the beginning.

Liza the Fox-Fairy (2015)

I’ve only ever seen one Wes Anderson movie (Rushmore, in case you were wondering). I’m not actively avoiding the filmmaker, but I just haven’t taken the time to watch a lot of his movies. But I do get the “Wes Anderson aesthetic” (or at least the version of it that has spawned a thousand memes)! So I will say that Liza, a rókatündér, AKA Liza the Fox-Fairy, is a Hungarian Wes Anderson movie. Just with a murderous lounge ghost.