Category: Reviews
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The Craft (1996)
For a lot of people my age–Millennials that are very close to the Generation X divide–the 90’s are a nostalgic time. Things were better back then, right? Or at least we didn’t have the maturity and capacity to understand how things were not good, haven’t been good for a long time, and that a lot of our current problems have roots back then. But, uh… at least the movies back then were good? Some of the movies. Okay, so this and a couple other movies that nostalgia goggles convince us were good. This intro is getting away from me… SO…
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Children of the Corn (2009)
We are so close to finishing October of the Corn… And October too, but this spooky month doesn’t exhaust me like these last few Children of the Corn movies do, and the remake to 1984’s Children of the Corn is no exception. This film is far more faithful to the original short story, but at what cost? For me the cost is that it’s an absolute slog to get through. So without further ado…
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Children of the Corn: Genesis (2012)
Do you know how bad you have to be to become the worst movie in the Children of the Corn franchise? Yeah yeah, welcome to October of the Corn, I’m mad at this movie. I complained that Children of the Corn: The Gathering felt like an unrelated script that slapped the franchise name on it, but this movie… this fucking movie… Okay, enough vague ranting, let’s dive in.
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The Monster Project (2017)
I want to give this movie some credit: while a lot of found footage movies are incredibly cheap, The Monster Project had a budget for its monsters. I’ve absolutely seen worse effects in other movies, and the creatures here didn’t look like ass. The problem is that this movie is really, really proud of its monsters. It takes every opportunity–once things kick off at the halfway point–to show you them in action. But that becomes a problem, because the more you see clear shots of a creature, the less frightening it becomes. We become inured to it and can grow…
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Children of the Corn: Revelation (2001)
Going through all these Children of the Corn movies for October of the Corn, we see that the movies so far have covered a lot of ground (or, as much ground as you can cover when the main focus is a creepy kid cult). We’ve had the cult be active in the modern day and also a relic of years past. We’ve had the setting be a corn field and also urban Chicago. We’ve had the cult led by children, and also an adult who happened to have once been one of those kid leaders. And now we come to…
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Spiral (2019)
Leading up to talking about horror movies every weekday in October I got a Shudder account. If you don’t know what that is, it’s a streaming service that caters specifically to the horror genre. That’s actually where I watched Mandy after Amazon was a lagging piece of garbage! I don’t know if I’ll keep with it after the free month is over, but in the mean time it has been interesting to watch some Shudder exclusives like 2020’s Spiral, a queer horror thriller! Not to be confused with 2021’s Spiral, which is the revival of the Saw franchise.
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Children of the Corn 666: Isaac’s Return (1999)
I see what this movie was trying to do with “666” instead of “Part VI,” but… why? 666 is traditionally regarded as the number of The Beast, but that’s from the Book of Revelation (remember, it’s singular, not plural). So it’s very Christian… and while the child cult of He Who Walks Behind the Rows has performative Christian aspects, it’s definitely not the same religion. So having “666” in the title makes no sense!
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Children of the Corn V: Fields of Terror (1998)
Welcome back to October of the Corn! Today we’re diving into Children of the Corn V: Fields of Terror. That’s right, we’re back to numbered sequels that actually feel like they were written with the franchise in mind. What’s really interesting about this one is that it feels like an attempt was made to make an enjoyable movie. It didn’t really work, but kudos for the effort!
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The Blair Witch Project (1999)
I love The Blair Witch Project. It’s one of my favorite films (that I weirdly don’t own), but it’s by no means a perfect movie. Writers/directors Mr. Eduardo Sánchez and Daniel Myrick got amazing performances out of the small cast but through some rough means. And its financial success (under half $1 million budget against a $248.6 million box office) convinced every jackass with half an idea and a home movie camera that they too could make a found footage movie. But with those quibbles out of the way, now is my time to gush.
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Children of the Corn: The Gathering (1996)
Welcome back to October of the Corn! Today we’re talking about Children of the Corn: The Gathering (the “IV” on the poster and generally accepted title doesn’t appear in the movie), the most forgettable one in the entire franchise. Pretty impressive, right? Fields of Terror has the kid who looks like an Oriental shorthair cat; Isaac’s Return has the return of Isaac (naturally); Revelation has the weird hotel; Genesis is the one in California without any corn; and the reboot and Runaway are dumb but have at least one or two things about them that I remember. I mean, fuck,…
Chwineka Watches 