Children of the Corn V: Fields of Terror (1998)

Welcome back to October of the Corn! Today we’re diving into Children of the Corn V: Fields of Terror. That’s right, we’re back to numbered sequels that actually feel like they were written with the franchise in mind. What’s really interesting about this one is that it feels like an attempt was made to make an enjoyable movie. It didn’t really work, but kudos for the effort!

After two young adults of indeterminate age are killed by the usual kid cult, a group of four other young adults get stranded in a small town. This normally would have been a moderate inconvenience, but one of the group–Allison–finds out that this cult is the exact same one her younger brother ran off to join. What are the odds. So the gang investigates, finding out that the leader is a man named Luke played by a surprise appearance of Mr. David Carradine (6 years before Dead & Breakfast for those keeping score). But that’s a ruse, and the cult is really run by the possessed Ezeekial, played by Adam Wylie (who I have always thought looked like an Oriental shorthair cat). Turns out He Who Walks Behind the Rows this time is represented by a big fire, which Allison manages to put out at the cost of all of her friends’ lives. The movie ends with her adopting her brother’s baby that he conceived with another cult member, but the baby has evil green fire eyes! This plot thread is never mentioned again.

Props to writer/director Ethan Wiley for giving the main cast of characters elaborate backstories. The reason they’re driving through the middle of nowhere is because they’re going to scatter the ashes of a friend of theirs who died while bungee jumping, but we later learn it was actually suicide! Which… I think was supposed to have an emotional impact? Look, just because these characters have history doesn’t make them good characters. One of the group, Kir (played by Eva Mendes in her first film role), has a personality that can best be described as “always annoying.” She drinks the Kool-Aid real fast, and just… throws herself into the green fire. Also the movie wants us to believe she was 17, and that’s a big nope. The only good member of this knock off Scooby gang was Greg, played by the late Alexis Arquette (who was also great in Spun and The Movie Hero, two films Movie Night really enjoyed).

I also want to add that two of Frank Zappa’s four children are in this, and they’re probably not the ones you’ve heard of. I couldn’t find a way to fit this dumb fact anywhere else.

The only thing that’s really worth watching in this is Luke’s death. When the sheriff (Fred Williamson) shows up to arrest him we get this amazingly ridiculous sequence: Luke’s head splits open and a small organic flamethrower pops out, torching the sheriff’s face so badly that his brain bursts out the back of his skull, flying off like a rocket. I mean… fucking what?! That’s so dumb! I love it! Why couldn’t the rest of the movie live up to that moment?