Zack Snyder’s Justice League (2021)

As I said on Friday, I wanted to watch the original, theatrical version of Justice League before I dove into Mr. Zack Snyder's Justice League so I could better compare and contrast. I made some predictions of what I thought would get cut--I was pretty much absolutely right--and what the new film would look like. Now, having watched it I can definitely say that this is the most Zack Snyder movie Zack Snyder has ever made, and that it is better than the theatrical version. The rest? Well...

Justice League (2017)

I did it! MCU March is officially over and I successfully talked about all 23 Marvel Cinematic Universe movies over the course of a month. I don't know about you guys, but I am superhero-ed out. Now it's time to sit back and watch a bunch of movies that I've been... Wait, what's that? Zack Snyder's Justice League came out last month? Zack Snyder's Justice League IS REAL?! For fuck's sake, this was just supposed to be a marketing stunt! It was never actually going to happen! Uuuuuuugh... Fine. FINE! In order to give the illusion of being topical, I'll review the four hour monstrosity. But because I'm me and my brain is horribly flawed, I've got to review the original Justice League movie first so I have something to compare to. But that's it, after this no more superhero movies for the rest of April!

Avengers: Infinity War (2018)

I think I can safely say that this is the biggest cinematic crossover ever. What even comes close? The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen? The Monster Squad? Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Okay, that last one is a strong contender, but I digress. After 10 years of setting up characters and stories in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, it all comes together with Avengers: Infinity War. We're in the endgame of MCU March, so heads up: a LOT happens so the review section is going to be a bit long.

Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

I'm kicking off this entry in MCU March with an addendum. In the Ant-Man post, I said that movie was my favorite of the "overtly comedic Marvel movies." Clearly I had forgotten about Thor: Ragnarok and how great this movie is when I wrote that. I think it's safe to say that this is my favorite Marvel Cinematic Universe film (and I double checked the list so I won't have to make this addendum again). I guess after rewatching all these movies, I have a soft spot for the God of Thunder.

Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)

MCU March is still going strong! With Avengers: Age of Ultron we're just about at the halfway point of the franchise (thus far) and the end of Phase 2. I say "just about" because the actual mid-point (thus far) AND the actual end of Phase 2 both happen to be Ant-Man, but we'll get to that tomorrow. Today we watch Tony Stark continue to make the worst decisions possible!

Left Behind (2014)

I am not a very religious man, but when I was younger I read several book in the Left Behind series by Tim LaHaye and Jerry B Jenkins. If you haven't heard of them, they were the story of those suffering through the 7 years of the Great Tribulation. I think I got up to Assassins, the sixth book where the Antichrist gets shot in the head (he gets better), before the HEAVY religious overtones were just too much for me. But they made movie adaptations of the series, so let's dive into another shitty movie starring Mr. Kirk Cameron! Wait... I'm not talking about 2000's Left Behind? Instead I'm talking about the 2014 one starring Nic Cage, where even Christian reviewers thought it was one of the worst movies ever made? I never thought I would ever say this, but I'd rather watch a Kirk Cameron movie. I don't know how to feel about that...

End of the Line (2007)

What is the difference between a cult and a religion? That’s actually a serious question and relevant to this movie. I created the “cults” tag because every so often there’s a movie where cultists try to sacrifice a young girl so that their demon god can enter our world (like you do), but for this movie the “cult” is explicitly Christian. Most likely a subdivision of Christianity, as I was raised Lutheran and don’t remember the pastor passing out dagger crosses and pagers so we could be alerted when the end of the world was happening. But like, are the antagonists technically a cult?

Final Flesh (2009)

Where do I even begin with this… thing? Well first off this was written by Mr. Vernon Chatman, a writer who worked on Late Night with Conan O’Brien and the creator of Xavier: Renegade Angel (if you’ve heard of that, you have an idea of the weirdness that is coming). Chatman split the script into four parts, sending each one to a different porn site–specifically the ones where the actors perform what you sent them, getting a tailored porn/fetish experience. But it couldn’t be a normal story! Oh no, this was a borderline dadaist drama about a family (a father, a mother, and a daughter) dying in an atomic blast and reincarnating over and over, or something. With a lot of bizarre, nonsensical sequences throughout.