Category: Reviews
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Beethoven’s 2nd (1993)
I’m back with more Beethoven movies! Yes, the franchise with fewer films than Air Bud and Air Buddies (14) continues on with its first sequel. I imagine this was made because the first Beethoven made back 8 times its budget, and money talks. As we get further into the franchise I’m going to start assuming that “a desire for money” is the main motivator behind ideas like “Beethoven, but The Prince and the Pauper” or “Beethoven, but with Christmas magic.” But those are future reviews; today we’re going to talk about the one with an attempted sexual assault and a…
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Beethoven (1992)
Once upon a time, I found out that a friend of mine was a big fan of the movie Beethoven. You know, the one about the big, slobbery dog? Anyway it turns out it had more sequels than you would expect, so I bought him a DVD collection as a gift to him and punishment to everyone else at Movie Night. But then COVID hit and Movie Night disbanded for over a year. But once we started back up, the Beethoven movies were back on the menu! Until a few weeks ago when more COVID shenanigans started preventing us from…
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The Suicide Squad (2021)
So my plan was to see The Suicide Squad in theaters. I had some friends lined up, we had the date all planned out, then a COVID scare dashed all our plans. This is the unfortunate world we live in, highlighted also in the fact that this fun movie is considered a box office bomb during its second week because a majority of people don’t feel safe in a theater yet. I’m not sure what movies are actually thriving right now, but maybe new metrics will be needed to judge movies during this post-pandemic pandemic. Where was I? Right, The…
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What If…? – Season 1, Episode 1
A few weeks have passed since Loki wrapped up, so it’s about time for a new Disney+ Marvel Cinematic Universe show! But the formula is getting changed up a bit; instead of a series that overtly builds up to another show or movie (like WandaVision setting up Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness), What If…? is Marvel’s version of The Twilight Zone. Taking its premise from the comic series of the same name, What If…? does exactly what its title suggests, asking what if the characters and events you know deviated from what was “supposed” to happen? In this…
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Alligator Alley (2013)
We’ve reached the end of Shark Week (or at least the version I planned back before they changed the date to July). But wait, you might say, I saw the title of today’s movie, and that doesn’t appear to involve sharks. And you’re right! Alligator Alley–sometimes known as the infinitely better name Ragin’ Cajun Redneck Gators–has absolutely no sharks in it. However, in the “Shark Bait: 6 Killer Shark Films” DVD collection, this is covered under “Plus a BONUS 7th BITE to sink your teeth into.” Yup, this DVD 6 pack actually had 7 movies. What a twist!
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Shark Island (2015)
My very own Shark Week continues! Sure, it’s a month after the actual Shark Week, but the best laid plans of sharks and men, or something like that. I’m burning through the “Shark Bait: 6 Killer Shark Films” DVD collection and we’re at the sixth film: Zombie Shark. Sorry, I mean Shark Island, even though everything on the DVD says that this movie should be called Zombie Shark. I guess they decided to go with the less provocative title since there’s actually more than one undead shark in this film, but whatever.
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Swamp Shark (2011)
My celebration of Shark Week continues, now officially one month late as of today! I’m continuing on partly because this was all planned ahead of time and partially out of spite. Going by the listing on the back of the “Shark Bait: 6 Killer shark Films” DVD case I’ve been pulling movies from, today would be Santa Jaws, but I’m saving that one for Christmas. The gay kid from Joe Bell manifesting a Santa hat wearing nightmare shark? Sounds hilarious! But that means today I’m stuck watching Swamp Shark. It’s not the worst shark movie I’ve seen, but it’s far…
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Ozark Sharks (2016)
So I obviously missed Shark Week this year. It was supposed to happen in August during this week, but sometime around the end of June or beginning of July, it got rescheduled to July 11th. The problem was that well before that time I had already planned on what to review this week, so why would I think to double check when Shark Week was happening? So here were are, a month after the actual event, watching some absolutely awful SyFy Channel original shark movies. Well, at least Ozark Sharks wasn’t as bad as Mississippi River Sharks.
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Ewoks: The Battle for Endor (1985)
Previously, I watched Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Adventure, a made-for-TV Star Wars spin off for kids that was… fine. It was fine. I’ve definitely seen worse kids movies and worse Star Wars films. But then there’s its sequel, Ewoks: The Battle for Endor. While the first film is a story of togetherness–children teaming up with teddy bears to save their parents–the second film is darker, but also no longer fine. Kinda bad, in fact.
Chwineka Watches 