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Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus (2010)
We’re back with another Mega Shark movie in honor of Shark Week! Our fearsome foe somehow survived his battle with the giant octopus and is back to eat crocodile eggs and kick ass, and he’s running out of croc eggs. There’s a lot wrong with this movie, so let’s jump right in.
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Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus (2009)
Ha ha HA!! You thought I’d be reviewing the X-Men First Class quadrilogy, didn’t you? First of all, I’m gonna review the Wolverine movies first, but more importantly it’s Shark Week! And while reviewing the Jaws quadrilogy was an option, Tubi had all 4 Mega Shark movies for free. So here we are, watching yet another bad Asylum film. Quite possibly more in my wheelhouse than watching comic book movies.
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The Mummy (1999)
Alright, now we’re cooking! It’s taken roughly 10,000 years, but we’ve reached The Mummy movies that people have actually heard of. Sure, it was nice to see what came before and the origins of characters/names Mr. Stephen Sommers pulled from, but we’ve had enough of these movies taking themselves seriously. Show me some Brendan Fraser scaring the villain off with a cat!
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X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)
Once upon a time I thought this was the worst movie I had ever seen. Ah, to be that young again, ignorant of things like Diary of a Cannibal and Collateral Beauty… Regardless, this is widely considered to be a wet fart of an ending to an otherwise pretty decent trilogy. Some even still consider this the worst X-Men movie, but… well, touch on that more when I eventually review X-Men: Dark Phoenix.
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X2 (2003)
Movie trilogies often follow a pattern: the first is fine, the second is superb, and the third is terrible. The X-Men trilogy is a wonderful example of this, in part because X2 (later retitled X2: X-Men United) is one of my favorite movies, and quite possibly my favorite superhero movie. This is the high point for the X-Men films; it’s all downhill from here! Well, except maybe for Logan and Deadpool, but still.
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X-Men (2000)
No surprise to anyone who knows me, but I am a huge X-Men nerd. The first comic I really remember picking up was Uncanny X-Men #300, chosen after careful consideration at how the story–just kidding, it was a holographic cover and my dumb kid brain latched onto it. I was instantly hooked, absorbing just about every piece of X-Men media I could. There was the animated series, action figures, trading cards, card games, board games, and of course, enough comics that if they were to fall on me, I’d be crushed to death. As time went on I became a…
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We Gotta Talk about Bryan Singer
Surprise, the decision to review trilogies/quadrilogies was thought up so I could rewatch and talk about the X-Men films. I’ve been a huge fan since I was a kid and these movies are near and dear to my heart (now that joke at the beginning of the Cube review makes sense). So why didn’t I start with the X-Men trilogy? Well… I needed some time to collect my thoughts on how to talk about movies I love being made by a sexual predator. Sorry, ALLEGED sexual predator. So here we are, talking about Bryan Singer instead of trying to talk…
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Blood From the Mummy’s Tomb (1972)
And we’ve come to the end of an era: the last Mummy film from Hammer Horror. On one hand it’s been nice to watch these older films and see filmmaking techniques and decisions from years ago, but on the other hand Mummy Mondays are posts with the least amount of clicks. Like, out of EVERYTHING else. No judgment being passed, I can absolutely see why! But it will be nice next week when I start reviewing Mummy movies people have actually heard of.
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Cube Zero (2004)
Look, I’m still a bit mad about Cube²: Hypercube, but I’m really mad that this is a prequel and not a sequel. Sure, it would be pretty hard to raise the stakes on the insanity that was the previous movie, but YOU HAD THE CHANCE TO CALL THIS MOVIE CUBE³–AKA CUBE CUBED–AND YOU DIDN’T! DISHONOR ON YOU! DISHONOR ON YOUR COW!!
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Cube²: Hypercube (2002)
Don’t you love it when a sequel comes out and has practically no cast or crew in common with the original? I don’t! That’s how we get shit like American Psycho II: All American Girl, where a small child kills Patrick Bateman at the very beginning and the rest of the movie is Ms. Mila Kunis killing anyone in the way of her becoming Mr. William Shatner’s teaching assistant! Weird non-sequitur, right? We’ll come back to that…
Chwineka Watches
The dead speak!
Chwineka Watches 