Don’t you love it when a sequel comes out and has practically no cast or crew in common with the original? I don’t! That’s how we get shit like American Psycho II: All American Girl, where a small child kills Patrick Bateman at the very beginning and the rest of the movie is Ms. Mila Kunis killing anyone in the way of her becoming Mr. William Shatner’s teaching assistant! Weird non-sequitur, right? We’ll come back to that…
Cube²: Hypercube features a new collection of one-note characters trapped in a new and update Cube. Gone are the dehumanizing uniforms as everyone gets to wear normal clothes (and sometimes even keep things like a knife). But this time they’re in a tesseract! No, not the Infinity Stone from Captain America: The First Avenger, but a theoretical mathematical construct that takes the normal 3 dimensions of a cube and adds the 4th dimension. What does that mean for this movie? We have teleporting rooms, gravity changing directions, time distortions, parallel realities, and just a bunch of ridiculousness.
The plot is… well, there are timey wimey shenanigans going on, so an already convoluted plot gets crazier. The group starts to believe that this Cube–and there are references to a previous one, so Cube is still canon–is made by a weapons manufacturer named Izon. iZon? Whatever. The private eye is this movie’s “guy who tries to corral everyone and then goes fucking nuts,” but this time there’s some cannibalism going on. Though we never see him eat people, it’s implied heavily enough that I tagged it as such. But people die in other ways, such getting their heads knocked off by… crystals? Another guy dies from a geometric thing that looks like a screensaver, while still another gets killed by a slow moving energy wave. Oh, and two people having sex start aging rapidly, their bodies found later floating and rotating in the middle of the room, dead and desiccated. But back to the meat of the plot, it turns out the blind girl was a super hacker (go with it), she helped build this new Cube, and has incriminating information on the whole project. She hid inside it to avoid getting caught, but gets killed by the cannibal. Then it turns out our protagonist, a psychotherapist lady, was actually in on the whole thing! She works for Izon, gets the thumb drive from the hacker’s corpse, and manages to escape the Cube before it implodes. She gives her superiors the drive then gets a bullet in the brain for her work. Womp womp.
This was a mess of a movie, but I’m not really surprised. Using IMDB’s Collaborations Search feature, this movie has 76 actors, producers, and crew in common with American Psycho II: All American Girl, which came out the same year. Weird for not having any writers or directors in common, right? There’s even a clip in this movie that was unused footage from All American Girl! And let me tell you, American Psycho II suuuuuuucks. It ruins anything it comes into contact with, so having any overlap with Cube² was a recipe for failure.
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