Joe Bell (2020)

When I first saw the trailer for Joe Bell, I thought to myself, "What kind of hetero nonsense is this?" It told too much of the story: a young gay man kills himself, and his father feels really bad about it. I joked that the real title should be A is for Ally and just assumed that it would be a movie that would make my eyes roll. But oh, dear reader, I was wrong. This movie pissed me the FUCK off.

Lost Lake (2003)

I will admit that I have trouble deciding what to review here. I want to find the right balance between the extremes of "no one has ever seen this movie" and "everyone has seen this movie." I don't always do that well, as is the case with today's film, Lost Lake, which has only one watch on Letterboxed: my own (this is also the case for A Windigo Tale, a story of the trauma residential schools do, which is... sadly always relevant). No one has heard of this movie! Why should I take the time to talk about it? Well, how else are people going to learn about the sheer madness that is the alternate--and true--ending of this film?

Vampire Boys 2: The New Brood (2013)

By sheer coincidence, it's been about a year since I reviewed Vampire Boys, a gay queer vampire flick that is... not very good. I didn't do a themed Pride Month last year, so watching it in June was just something that happened. But here we are, now talking about Vampire Boys 2: The New Brood. Just about every major cast member has been replaced, except for... wait, who was Tara again? Of course I actually remember--she's the girl that adds a smidge of bisexuality to what is otherwise an incredibly gay movie.

It Waits (2005)

Is it weird to say that I missed watching bad movies? Probably, but back when I could safely have people over at my place (what seems like a hundred years ago), bad movies were the staple of Movie Night. We'd sit around and riff on them, finding enjoyment more through our own senses of humor than whatever lame thing was on the screen. But I watched this alone, with only my growing disappointment as company. I swear we watched It Waits a decade ago--literally this time--but all I could remember was hating a parrot? Turns out that's all that's memorable about this direct-to-DVD flick.

Queen: The Awakening (2020)

The letter Q vexes me. Not only is it associated with one of the most batshit political conspiracies AND is a nightmare in Scrabble--seriously, how hard would it be replace the tile with "Qu" and save everyone the hassle--but in the entire first year of this blog I never got around to reviewing a movie that started with Q. But I'm here today to solve two of these problems! The first is that "QI" is a recognized word in the official Scrabble dictionary with the definition, "The vital force that in Chinese thought is inherent in all things," in case your relatives call bullshit. The second is Queen: The Awakening, an low budget vampire movie that IMDB doesn't recognize as existing. But it's on Tubi and Letterboxd, so it counts!

Feast II: Sloppy Seconds (2008)

A good sequel ups the stakes of the original. If it has the same threat and energy level, then it's more of the same and begs the question, what's the point? Feast II: Sloppy Seconds takes the chaotic energy of Feast and absolutely raises it through more monsters, more bloodshed, and more dark comedy of questionable taste. This one has a bit more of a focus on story and characters than the previous one--although just barely--so a kill count would miss some... subtlety. Back to the regular review format, I guess!

Christmas Wedding Planner (2017)

I am a glutton for bad movies, and for better or worse my friends are well aware of this. So much so, in fact, that a dear friend needed me to check out this movie. Yes, needed. It seemed like your typical "Christmas romantic TV movie," but then I looked at the ratings. Wow! This is apparently one of the worst Christmas movies ever made? I ask because that's a bold claim. But does it live up to that...? I mean, it's no Red Christmas--where an aborted fetus all grown up named Cletus tries to kill his family--but this is very bad in a different, less overt way.

Children of the Corn (2009)

We are so close to finishing October of the Corn... And October too, but this spooky month doesn't exhaust me like these last few Children of the Corn movies do, and the remake to 1984's Children of the Corn is no exception. This film is far more faithful to the original short story, but at what cost? For me the cost is that it's an absolute slog to get through. So without further ado...