Category: Reviews
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Final Flesh (2009)
Where do I even begin with this… thing? Well first off this was written by Mr. Vernon Chatman, a writer who worked on Late Night with Conan O’Brien and the creator of Xavier: Renegade Angel (if you’ve heard of that, you have an idea of the weirdness that is coming). Chatman split the script into four parts, sending each one to a different porn site–specifically the ones where the actors perform what you sent them, getting a tailored porn/fetish experience. But it couldn’t be a normal story! Oh no, this was a borderline dadaist drama about a family (a father,…
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Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy (1955)
Mummy Mondays have reached the last movie in the Universal Classic Monsters group: Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy. The horror genre is tossed aside in favor of comedy (and random dance and singing interludes). And you know what? It works.
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Brahms: The Boy II (2020)
Do I get my “horror movie fan” card revoked if I say that I didn’t hate this movie? As of writing this, Brahms: The Boy II sits at 10% on Rotten Tomatoes, tied with Fantasy Island (which I hated a lot). Granted, Rotten Tomatoes is not the best site to rely on, but still… I don’t think this movie was THAT bad.
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The Call of the Wild (2020)
I’m just going to come out and say it: I’m not a dog person. I had a couple dogs growing up and they were… not ideal. I’ve never felt super comfortable around dogs, let alone a big dog. And let me tell you, Buck in this movie is a VERY BIG dog. Or, more accurately, a very big computer generated creature in the shape of a dog.
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The Mummy’s Curse (1944)
It’s time for another Mummy Monday review! Released the same year as The Mummy’s Ghost, this movie takes place 25 years later in a (the?) bayou. Didn’t the last movie have Kharis walk into a Massachusetts swamp? Doesn’t a 25 year time jump a few movies after a 30 year jump mean this movie takes place around the year 1999? It’s best not to ask too many questions, you’ll only get your hopes up.
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Fantasy Island (2020)
There is criminal activity going on in my local theaters this year and I’m getting fed up with it. It started with Color Out of Space, which got a one day screening all over my city and then disappeared except for a single showing at night in Seattle. Next was The Lodge, which never even reached anywhere close to me. I guess they technically count as “indie movies,” but they were horror movies I was excited to see and they disappeared before I got a chance!
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The Muppets’ Wizard of Oz (2005)
Full disclosure, this wasn’t the movie I planned on posting today. Not too long ago I had picked up a copy of The Devil’s Rain, a 1975 cult movie starring William Shatner minus his eyes, Ernest Borgnine as a goatman, and was the film debut of one Mr. John Travolta. And it was… fine. The effects were nice and the story was kind of lame, but cult movies aren’t generally known for being conventionally good. After watching it at Movie Night I was preparing myself to write up a review, but… I just couldn’t. There was another movie that we…
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The Mummy’s Ghost (1944)
Welcome back to Mummy Monday! This week we’re talking about The Mummy’s Ghost, a sequel set right after The Mummy’s Tomb that doesn’t feature any ghosts. But the Mummy is back! Somehow! Again, don’t question it.
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Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) (2020)
There are a number of articles talking about how this is the gayest superhero movie thus far, all written by people more talented than me. But that’s not going to stop me from talking about queer representation in Birds of Prey: And the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn! Or Harley Quinn: Birds of Prey as it has apparently been renamed.
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Dreamcatcher (2003)
Movie adaptations of Mr. Stephen King’s books are really hit or miss. Some like The Shining become classics, while others like The Langoliers have flying walnuts with teeth. I feel like Dreamcatcher is closer to the latter, mostly because the aliens here are fungal dick snakes with vagina dentata mouths that burst out of your ass.
Chwineka Watches 