Category: 3.5 stars
Okay, it was kinda good.
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Batman (1966)
Some of you had to know what was coming. Holy Throwback Thursday, Batman! It’s Adam West and Burt Ward in Batman ’66! After a yacht vanishes before their eyes and a shark explodes, Batman and Robin know that this is the work of (at least) one of their greatest enemies. The whole situation is fishy, so it’s the Penguin! It happened at sea, and “C” stands for Catwoman! The shark was “pulling” Batman’s leg, so the Joker! And it all this adds up to a sinister riddle… Riddle-r? The Riddler! If you haven’t seen this movie, I want you to…
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Outbreak (1995)
You know what’s a great idea? Watching a virus movie while the nation is under siege from a virus. Yes, I do take medication due to heightened anxiety, why do you ask? Anyway, I went with Outbreak over Contagion because while Contagion is more… realistic and relevant to our current epidemic, Outbreak is more of a 90’s action thriller with a virus that kills people in 3 days. Just a tad more fantastical and action-orientated.
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Were the World Mine (2008)
There’s a trend of gay movies being rather dark and ending with the queer protagonist (or someone they love) dying. Soldier’s Girl, Brokeback Mountain, the list goes on. And I just… can we not? Life as a queer person is already rough enough without having to sit through “tragedy porn” in order to see some representation. Give me more gay romantic comedies! Or gay love stories that DON’T involve someone dying in an attempt to tug at my heartstrings and/or win awards!
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The Blackcoat’s Daughter (2015)
Hey, it’s Sabrina! No, not God’s Not Dead 2‘s Mrs. Melissa Joan Hart, but Chilling Adventures of Sabrina‘s Ms. Kiernan Shipka. Three years before the new Sabrina show and streaming on Netflix, dealing with her relationship with a devil… Hm, I wonder if the casting department saw this movie.
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Final Flesh (2009)
Where do I even begin with this… thing? Well first off this was written by Mr. Vernon Chatman, a writer who worked on Late Night with Conan O’Brien and the creator of Xavier: Renegade Angel (if you’ve heard of that, you have an idea of the weirdness that is coming). Chatman split the script into four parts, sending each one to a different porn site–specifically the ones where the actors perform what you sent them, getting a tailored porn/fetish experience. But it couldn’t be a normal story! Oh no, this was a borderline dadaist drama about a family (a father,…
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Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy (1955)
Mummy Mondays have reached the last movie in the Universal Classic Monsters group: Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy. The horror genre is tossed aside in favor of comedy (and random dance and singing interludes). And you know what? It works.
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The Mummy’s Tomb (1942)
Mummy Monday is back at it again, this time with a direct continuation of The Mummy’s Hand! Set 30 years after the previous movie (but filmed 2 years later), we see the return of several characters made up to look much older. And of course, the return of Kharis, this time played by Lon Chaney Jr., who is more known for playing the Wolf Man. And much later a mummified werewolf in Face of the Screaming Werewolf. Why not?
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Gretel & Hansel (2020)
Mr. Oz “Osgood” Perkins (son of Psycho actor Anthony Perkins) has directed 3 movies now, Gretel & Hansel being his most recent and the only one he didn’t write, so it’s hard for me to say he has a specific “director trademark.” All three movies are a bit slow (some slower than others) and there is a tendency towards awkward narration. But where I thought I Am the Pretty Thing That Lives in the House was okay and The Blackcoat’s Daughter was pretty good, I adore Gretel & Hansel.
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Edge of Tomorrow (2014)
AKA Live Die Repeat. Or maybe Live. Die. Repeat.? Either way I think we all can agree that the best name comes from the manga: All You Need is Kill.
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The Mummy (1932)
Mummy Mondays have officially begun! I’ll be covering all the movies of the noteworthy mummy franchises, which includes 6 classic Universal movies, 4 from Hammer films, the Brendan Fraser trilogy, the Scorpion King pentalogy (oh yes, there are 5 of those), and finally the Tom Cruise one that’s DEFINITELY not getting a cinematic universe. So without further ado, let’s begin!
Chwineka Watches 