Category: Reviews
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Hawkeye – Season 1, Episode 6
The last episode of Hawkeye ended on a shocking cliffhanger, or at least shocking for people who are bad at predicting plot twists. Now that we’ve reached the final episode, the question becomes: will everything get wrapped up? And the answer is… mostly? I have few complaints. An extra 15 minutes certainly didn’t hurt.
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Red Christmas (2016)
I had the option to watch something good for today’s post. Friends have recommended Make the Yuletide Gay to me for a while now, but for whatever reason I just wasn’t feeling it at the moment. No, I was in the mood for something absolutely awful. Just some utter dogshit. But because it’s December–Christmas Eve today, in fact–it has to be festive. Well good thing there’s Red Christmas, a movie about an aborted fetus that survived and seeks revenge on his mother (Mrs. Dee Wallace). No, this isn’t the only “survived being aborted” movie, and yes, I’ll get to Hanger…
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Ghosting: The Spirit of Christmas (2019)
The first time I heard the premise of Ghosting: The Spirit of Christmas, I though it was hilariously fucked up. Now, when most people hear the word “ghosting,” they think of ditching someone without saying a word. And yes, that is a plot element here: a girl goes on a date with a guy and then ghosts him. The catch is THAT SHE FUCKING DIED. SHE GHOSTED HIM BECAUSE SHE DIED AND IS NOW A GHOST. That’s macabre! And hilarious! And it’s a Christmas movie? Sign my morbid ass up!
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Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021)
I just can’t talk about this movie without going full spoilers. There’s a lot to cover, so this will be on the longer side.
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Hawkeye – Season 1, Episode 5
We are in the final stretch of Hawkeye episodes, and already the latest episode, “Ronin,” has alleviated some of the concerns I voiced last time. I’d explain more, but this is the intro paragraph where I try to keep spoilers to a minimum because this doubles as the page preview. So let’s cut the crap and jump right in!
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A Puppy for Christmas (2016)
Christmas means many things to many people, but its true meaning is to be in a relationship with someone who will help you decorate a tree for the holidays. Oh, you doubt me? Then why are there a million different Christmas romances where that’s the message? Checkmate. In this particular case, A Puppy for Christmas is about finding your one true Christmas love AND adopting the worst puppy ever. Just a garbage dog. Girl, you’re ruining your life with this animal.
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A Christmas Carol (1997)
Holy shit, there are like a thousand adaptations of Mr. Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. Who knows, maybe next year for December I’ll spend the entire month only covering different versions of the classic tale… But until that possible future, I feel like I should touch upon at least one adaptation each December. Last year was the beloved The Muppet Christmas Carol, but this year I somehow found myself watching the 1997 A Christmas Carol direct-to-VHS, Saturday morning cartoon-esque, animated version that was… not good. I’d say an attempt was made, but I’m not convinced of that.
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Interview with the Vampire (1994)
At the beginning of December, I was finishing up a week of The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari movies so I said that December wouldn’t be just Christmas/winter holiday movies. That was also said because I want to talk about Spider-Man: No Way Home when I see it as well, but then… death happened. Ms. Anne Rice, author of The Vampire Chronicles, died this past Saturday at the age of 80. Interview with the Vampire has always been on my list of films to talk about on the blog, so now seemed as good a time as any, as a sort…
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Hawkeye – Season 1, Episode 4
The latest episode of Hawkeye, “Partners, Am I Right?” has me wondering where this limited series is going. With four episodes down, we only have two left and so much is happening that I’m concerned that this series isn’t going to wrap it all up. But before I get all doom and gloom about what might happen, let’s talk about what actually did happen in this week’s episode.
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Elf-Man (2012)
I think I’ve made it fairly clear by now that I watch some absolute garbage. I see a premise that sounds stupid as shit and think to myself, “Oh, I can’t not watch that.” Most of the time such trash is amusing in some way. Maybe it’s actually sometimes funny like House Shark. Maybe it’s so awful in every way that you can’t help but laugh like A Talking Cat!?!. But sometimes, when fate is feeling spiteful, I watch something that’s just so aggressively bland, it hurts my soul. Welcome to me talking about Elf-Man, a movie where Hornswoggle from…
Chwineka Watches 