Category: 2004
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Exorcist: The Beginning (2004)
What’s a horror franchise without a prequel? Most of them, actually, but it sure seems like nowadays we have to spend at least an hour and a half explaining shit we either had already deduced through context clues, or were the source of much heated debates in the internet’s smelliest chatrooms. I just don’t see the need for this movie, you know? But here we are, seeing the origin of Father Lankester Merrin and how exorcizing Regan was actually a piece of cake. You know, up to the point where he died… OH YEAH RIGHT WELCOME BACK TO PARANORMAL OCTOBERTY!
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Star Wars: Clone Wars – Volume One
Look, when I said I wouldn’t have any more interruptions to covering the Star Wars prequels, all I technically said was I wouldn’t immediately cover more documentaries. Never said anything about an animated series! And really, Star Wars: Clone Wars was designed to tell the story between Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones and Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith, so covering it now seemed like a good choice. Too bad none of this is canon so it doesn’t actually matter. Oops!
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Saw (2004)
You didn’t think a little thing like a hiatus would stop me from celebrating the entire month of Halloween, did you? My tradition of a yearly October event lives on with Saw-mhain, a pun that works best if you know Irish /Gaeilge. Oh yes, the syllable break of Samhain (SAH-win) is Sa-mhain, because fuck you, that’s why. Gaeilge is a bastard language.
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Shaun of the Dead (2004)
Finally, some good fucking content. After slogging through Night of the Living Dead and The Return of the Living Dead sequels, I set some time aside to watch an actually good movie near the end of October of the Dead (and also a really bad one, but we’ll get to that on Halloween proper). Shaun of the Dead is a parody of all the other zombie movies and stands out as a really fun watch. You know what? I keep going back and forth on it, but I think this is officially my favorite zombie movie! Honestly not sure why…
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The Polar Express (2004)
I want to start by saying that we have a lot to thank Robert Zemeckis for. He wrote and directed Back to the Future, its sequels, and directed the… Back to the Future Saturday morning cartoon? That has to be a typo. Anyway the man is a legend! Buuuuut… holy crap, his animated movies are unpleasant to look at. It also doesn’t help that the story at the heart of The Polar Express is also pretty blah.
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Cube Zero (2004)
Look, I’m still a bit mad about Cube²: Hypercube, but I’m really mad that this is a prequel and not a sequel. Sure, it would be pretty hard to raise the stakes on the insanity that was the previous movie, but YOU HAD THE CHANCE TO CALL THIS MOVIE CUBE³–AKA CUBE CUBED–AND YOU DIDN’T! DISHONOR ON YOU! DISHONOR ON YOUR COW!!
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National Treasure (2004)
Who has two thumbs and actually looked at a calendar before deciding what movie to review? You’ll have to trust me on the thumbs part, but this guy! Tomorrow is the Fourth of July, and because of that I thought I should do a themed post. But what to watch? Independence Day is almost too obvious, Jaws took place during the Fourth… But I decided to go with a movie based on long standing American traditions: stealing stuff and believing conspiracy theories. LET’S STEAL THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE!
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Dead & Breakfast (2004)
Is this really the first zombie movie I’ve reviewed here? Huh. Makes sense, as it’s not my favorite horror subgenre and I don’t own many zombie movies, but it’s still a bit surprising. But Dead & Breakfast is not just a zombie movie, though! It’s a horror comedy about an undead spirit possessing the inhabitants of a tiny town, trying to murder everyone they come across and adding the bodies to its growing army. There’s also a zombie line dancing sequence. But let’s start at the beginning.
Chwineka Watches 