Tag: family matters
“I don’t have friends, I got family.”
-Furious 7 (2015)
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Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones (2002)
So we’ve got this Palpatine guy, right? Upstanding Senator and now Chancellor of the Galactic Republic, but you and I both know he’s also secretly Darth Sidious, dark lord of the Sith and the true enemy of the prequel Star Wars movies. And the original trilogy. And apparently the sequel trilogy, too. But like… what is his plan? I get that he’s consolidating political power and will soon take over the galaxy, but all his Sith shenanigans have me scratching my head. Let’s examine that after I summarize Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones.
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Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace (1999)
Enough stalling, let’s get on to the prequels. While I did find the various documentaries made by Mr. Robert Guenette to be informative, I didn’t initially plan on covering them so early in 2024: A Star Wars Event. But I give you my word that I won’t be interrupting the prequel Star Wars films with whatever documentaries I can find. So let’s begin with Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace, I movie that was better than I remember it being! Except for, you know… him.
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Star Wars: Episode VI: Return of the Jedi (1983)
To be perfectly honest, I wasn’t absolutely sure that I’d be reviewing Return of the Jedi right here. Mr. George Lucas clearly wants people to watch his Star Wars movies in episode order, but I didn’t want to go that route. And sure, release order–4, 5, 6, 1, 2, and 3–is what I’m apparently leaning towards, but I was really tempted to do flashback mode–4, 5, 1, 2, 3, and 6–,the logic is flashing back to Anakin Skywalker’s past after the revelation that no, he is Luke’s father. But at just about the last minute I decided at the very…
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Star Wars: Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
Okay, now we can get to what many people consider to be the best Star Wars movie. It’s definitely up there for me, taking either the first or second spot depending on my mood. It’s also the first Star Wars film to have huge plot twisting revelations and a cliffhanger ending, things that nowadays seem overdone to death. Let’s jump right in!
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Repo! The Genetic Opera (2008)
Happy Halloween! Saw-mhain may be over, but I always try to have a little extra something on All Hallows’ Eve itself. And after permanently rotting by brain watching so many Saw movies, this year’s choice was pretty easy. Why not watch another movie directed by Saw II, Saw III, Saw IV, and Spiral: From the Book of Saw director Mr. Darren Lynn Bousman that’s also a cult classic and has a soundtrack I still to this day listen to? I mean, it was either this or The Barrens, and I’ll get to rabies Jersey Devil some other time.
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Saw III (2006)
After that brief interlude with Hostel, the main event of Saw-mhain returns with Saw III, a movie I may have seen before? Lot of half-formed memories, which means either I picked up details through osmosis or I had watched it and it just didn’t stick. And after watching/rewatching, it honestly could be either. This wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t super.
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Saw II (2005)
This year’s monthlong Halloween event, Saw-mhain, continues! Saw was incredibly successful, both in terms of cultural influence as well as profitability, so it makes sense that there’d be a sequel. But the very next year? That’s one hell of a turnaround, but this little franchise that could would continue doing that until the seventh film, confusingly titled Saw 3D. Also, this one is the first to be directed and co-written by Mr. Darren Lynn Bousman, who would return to the franchise several times. Hmmmm, why is that name familiar…?
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Children of the Corn (2020)
I know, I know. I’m still on hiatus, but I had to make this post. Why? Because I am Captain Ahab and the Children of the Corn prequel/remake/reboot has been my white whale ever since it disappeared off the face of the goddamned Earth back in 2020, only to resurface recently. From hell’s heart I stab at thee! The last movie of this forsaken franchise has been seen!
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Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023)
This may come as a shock to you, dear reader, but I’m a bit of a nerd. I know I come off as a total alpha chad, but I actually have a huge collection of roleplaying books, card games, board games, and just so much geek shit. I’ve been playing Dungeons & Dragons since I called my friends over, slammed the core three books on the table, and said that we’re the kind of geeks who should be playing this game. As a longtime nerd, the various official D&D movies have been disappointing. The first was bad camp, the second…
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Smile (2022)
You ever see a movie and just assume it’s not going to be good? Smile is all about creepy smiles! Oooh, I’m shaking in my boots… Plus, they showed what is most likely the best jumpscare in the trailer–if you know, you know–so what else is there? But I heard reviews were rather positive for this film. Was it actually worth watching? Or did it make me hate myself like that awful, awful movie Smiley? Writers call that a hook!
Chwineka Watches 