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Feast III: The Happy Finish (2009)
All good things must come to an end, and this is especially true of so-so things. Feast was a fun romp, Feast II: Sloppy Seconds overstayed its welcome, and now we have Feast III: The Happy Finish. Is that a sex thing? I immediately think “happy ending,” but that would indicate that someone makes it out of this franchise unscathed. Urban Dictionary says it’s a handjob thing, so I’m going with that interpretation. And with that lovely mental image, let’s finish this.
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Feast II: Sloppy Seconds (2008)
A good sequel ups the stakes of the original. If it has the same threat and energy level, then it’s more of the same and begs the question, what’s the point? Feast II: Sloppy Seconds takes the chaotic energy of Feast and absolutely raises it through more monsters, more bloodshed, and more dark comedy of questionable taste. This one has a bit more of a focus on story and characters than the previous one–although just barely–so a kill count would miss some… subtlety. Back to the regular review format, I guess!
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Feast (2005)
Do you ever watch a movie and immediately forget the characters’ names? Like, the Friday the 13th reboot was about… uh… Mr. Jared Padalecki looking for… someone, and uh… okay, I remember one of the stoners was named “Chewie,” but that’s it. Gun to my head I couldn’t tell you any of the others’ names. Well it’s not just me, because that issue is addressed by Feast and its sequels! We have characters with descriptive names that tell you everything you need to know, like Bartender, Beer Guy (Judah Friedlander), Honey Pie, and… Jason Mewes (Jason Mewes)? You get the…
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WandaVision – Season 1, Episode 6
Things are escalating quickly in WandaVision, although there are still some major questions left unanswered. That’s about all I can think of saying before getting to spoilers, so let’s dive right in!
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Suburban Gothic (2014)
As promised in the Excision post, today we’re talking about Suburban Gothic. Outside of Excision I have not actually seen anything featuring Mr. Matthew Gray Gubler. I didn’t get into Criminal Minds and the Alvin and the Chipmunks quadrilogy is reserved for a week when I just want to suffer. But I knew of him through memes, so I was excited to watch this. Add in Kat Dennings–now featured in WandaVision which I talk about the day after each new episode–and we have a recipe for a good time! It’s just a shame, then, that the movie was… fine. It’s…
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Excision (2012)
Time once again to pull from the list of movies I’ve referenced but haven’t reviewed, so let’s roll the equivalent of a 297-sided die! Yes, the number has grown from last time (The Phantom) because I cannot help myself. Anyway… #96! Hm, that’s the first of a trilogy and it would flow better if I did all three movies next week, so let’s roll again. #87! And that is… oh. Oh my. This is going to be a weird one.
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The Conspiracy of Fear (1995)
On Friday the world lost a legend as actor Mr. Christopher Plummer died. He was in many well loved films, ranging from his Academy Award winning performance in Beginners, to his relatively minor but vital role in Knives Out, to his iconic (on Twitter, at least) moment of ripping up a Nazi flag in The Sound of Music. But those films aren’t in my personal collection. Oh no, instead I have The Conspiracy of Fear, a mid-90’s cheesy thriller that was part of a DVD two pack with Prey of the Jaguar, a film where a man dresses like a…
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WandaVision – Season 1, Episode 5
So, uh, you may have noticed that the internet kind of lost its mind about this episode. Something happened that either could change the entirety of the Marvel Cinematic Universe with its implications, or the showrunners are fucking with us. Either way, there’s a lot to unpack here, so let’s dive right in.
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The Phantom (1996)
Good heavens, look at the time! It’s been a while since I rolled randomly on the list of movies I’ve referenced but haven’t reviewed yet, so let’s do that again! Out of a list of 291 movies (why do I do this to myself), the random die roller picks… #247! And that film is… available exclusively on HBO Max, a streaming service I don’t currently have access to. Oh no, it looks like I’ll have to talk about a secret agent monkey another day. So let’s roll again… #195! The Phantom! This I can do!
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The Lighthouse (2016)
Today’s film is… wait a second… The Lighthouse? Didn’t I already cover that in October? This must be a different movie with the same title, then. Lemme read the description: “Two men fight for their lives and their sanity when they’re trapped in a remote lighthouse for months while a freak storm rages and tragedy strikes.” Huh. That, uh… That sure does sound like The Lighthouse. But this came out a few years before and stars no names I recognize–the two leads here were in Star Wars VIII: The Last Jedi as “Captain Whose Seige Dreadnought Gets Bombed at the…
Chwineka Watches
The dead speak!
Chwineka Watches 