Breaking the tradition of the last two What If...? posts, this is not my newest favorite episode of the series. By process of elimination I think it's actually my least favorite? But that's not the same as "the worst"--just "my fifth favorite out of five episodes." This wasn't too much of a surprise, as episode 5, "What If Zombies?!" goes all in on the reanimated dead, and I'm typically lukewarm towards zombies. And for reference, Otto; or, Up with Dead People gets a pass on how gay it is and because it came out before zombies oversaturated the media landscape.
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What If…? – Season 1, Episode 2
Death is an inevitable part of life. We all ultimately die, and once you're dead there will be a collection of "the lasts" left behind: the last conversation you had with someone; the last meal you had; and for actors, the last project they worked on. In honor of the life of Mr. Stan Lee, comic writer and creator of too many characters to name here, Captain Marvel opened not with the normal Marvel logo, but a memorial montage of him. And then there's Chadwick Boseman, star of Black Panther who died one year ago of cancer. While Ma Rainey's Black Bottom might technically be the last project he worked on, What If...? is the last media he was in to be released, and this is the MCU's chance to memorialize him and the amazing work he did. Bit of a downer intro, huh? Well all that hangs over "What If T'Challa Became a Star-Lord?" making it a space heist comedy with a background aura of sadness.
The Suicide Squad (2021)
So my plan was to see The Suicide Squad in theaters. I had some friends lined up, we had the date all planned out, then a COVID scare dashed all our plans. This is the unfortunate world we live in, highlighted also in the fact that this fun movie is considered a box office bomb during its second week because a majority of people don't feel safe in a theater yet. I'm not sure what movies are actually thriving right now, but maybe new metrics will be needed to judge movies during this post-pandemic pandemic. Where was I? Right, The Suicide Squad, emphasis on "The!"
Ewoks: The Battle for Endor (1985)
Previously, I watched Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Adventure, a made-for-TV Star Wars spin off for kids that was... fine. It was fine. I've definitely seen worse kids movies and worse Star Wars films. But then there's its sequel, Ewoks: The Battle for Endor. While the first film is a story of togetherness--children teaming up with teddy bears to save their parents--the second film is darker, but also no longer fine. Kinda bad, in fact.
Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Adventure (1984)
It wasn't my intention to avoid the main Star Wars movies; it's just that covering all nine is an event all to itself. And then the question becomes in what order do I watch them? Chronologically (1-9)? By release (4-6, 1-3, 7-9)? Flashback mode (4&5, 1-3, 6-9)? And what about Rogue One and Solo? But that's a problem for future Chwineka, and fuck that guy. Today we're talking about Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Adventure, a made-for-TV kids film featuring everyone's favorite Star Wars VI: Return of the Jedi characters, the ewoks. What, you didn't love the ewoks? Well too bad.
PG: Psycho Goreman (2020)
Man, after being disappointed that Fear Street: 1994 wasn't 10 out of 10 amazing, it's nice to find something like PG: Psycho Goreman, which is absolutely my jam in just about every way possible. Horror? You've got a demonic alien trying to destroy the universe. Black comedy? It's not going to make sense here, but that was the weightiest "You're welcome," in the history of cinema, and it was hilarious. Over the top gore? To an unrealistic degree which wraps back around to enjoyable! Some of the wettest puppets imaginable? Not my particular fetish, but I know this hit the spot for some people.
Zack Snyder’s Justice League (2021)
As I said on Friday, I wanted to watch the original, theatrical version of Justice League before I dove into Mr. Zack Snyder's Justice League so I could better compare and contrast. I made some predictions of what I thought would get cut--I was pretty much absolutely right--and what the new film would look like. Now, having watched it I can definitely say that this is the most Zack Snyder movie Zack Snyder has ever made, and that it is better than the theatrical version. The rest? Well...
Justice League (2017)
I did it! MCU March is officially over and I successfully talked about all 23 Marvel Cinematic Universe movies over the course of a month. I don't know about you guys, but I am superhero-ed out. Now it's time to sit back and watch a bunch of movies that I've been... Wait, what's that? Zack Snyder's Justice League came out last month? Zack Snyder's Justice League IS REAL?! For fuck's sake, this was just supposed to be a marketing stunt! It was never actually going to happen! Uuuuuuugh... Fine. FINE! In order to give the illusion of being topical, I'll review the four hour monstrosity. But because I'm me and my brain is horribly flawed, I've got to review the original Justice League movie first so I have something to compare to. But that's it, after this no more superhero movies for the rest of April!
Avengers: Endgame (2019)
Everything in the Marvel Cinematic Universe has led to this. The Avengers and their allies stood up to Thanos in Avengers: Infinity War and were found wanting. Now it's up to the survivors to pick up the pieces and try to, well... avenge. This is the end of an era, except, you know, for Spider-Man: Far From Home being an epilogue to Phase Three and all that. MCU March is almost over, so let's get straight to it!
Captain Marvel (2019)
Depending on who you ask, Captain Marvel was either a perfectly fine movie, or the work of evil social justice warriors trying to ruin everything for real comic fans. This film, Captain America: The First Avenger, and Thor: The Dark World all have have a 6.9 rating on IMDB (at time of writing)(nice), but only one of these films has 6.2% of its ratings 1 out of 10. The other two have 1/10 ratings being 1.2% and 1.1%, respectively, for those keeping track at home. But what separates Captain Marvel from the other two? What about this titular character is different? Hm, I wonder, he says sarcastically.
Chwineka Watches 