Sometimes it's hard to put into words why a movie didn't resonate with me. Using a recent example, Antlers was a perfectly fine movie with a pretty basic ending, but it just didn't live up to my expectations. And that's the case with Broadcast Signal Intrusion. The creepy atmosphere is on point, but the ambiguous ending just didn't land. And I'm usually a huge fan of ambiguous endings! So let's analyze what I think didn't work.
2.5 stars
Average.
The Return of the Living Dead (1985)
Most people don't have perfect memories. Details get blurred, forgotten, or flat out exchanged. For example, the iconic line "We're gonna need a bigger boat," in Jaws was actually, "You're gonna need a bigger boat," and so on. I bring this up today because while most of the Return of the Living Dead series is completely forgettable, one element of it seems to have been associated with Mr. George A Romero's movies and has flavored how the public thinks of zombies. Just little things I've noticed during October of the Living Dead.
Land of the Dead (2005)
I have a specific type of brain rot where I associate some actors with specific roles and just see them as that character no matter what they're in. Mr. Joel McHale will always be lovable loser Jeff Winger, no matter how serious his role in Becky tries to be. In this particular case, Land of the Dead features Luigi Mario and King Koopa. They even have a climactic fight amidst a zombie revolution! And the whole movie was just okay.
Mad God (2021)
Mr. Phil Tippett is a legend. He's partly responsible for the visual effects in classics like Jurassic Park, Star Wars, RoboCop, and also movies like Starship Troopers. And even if he hadn't proven his talent on those films, Mad God is a surreal tour de force that proves he's a master in his field. Too bad it just didn't leave much of an impression on me!
The Gillymuck (2018)
This blog has been on a very, very relaxed schedule due to my job. I'm working a lot now, which doesn't give me time to watch as many movies as I used to. Throw in that Movie Night is still online only and we watch two films instead of three, and sometimes I struggle to find something to review for the week. In this particular case, I remembered a trailer I saw a while back and decided to check out that movie. So, uh... long story short, it wasn't a trailer--it was just a very short film. Oops.
Scream 3 (2000)
I know phrases like "this was the most X entry in the franchise yet!" get tiring after a while, but by this point I've seen all four Scream movies and can fairly safely say that Scream 3 is the most meta yet. For those who don't know, "meta" is not just Facebook's rebranding, but short for "metafiction," or the idea that a piece of fiction reminds the audience that it is indeed fiction. The Scream franchise has always been a look at the horror genre as a whole, but now the focus goes to examining unnecessary sequels. It's slightly more subtle than The Matrix Resurrections, for reference, but I'll get to that another day.
Don’t Look Up (2021)
If nothing is done soon, global warming and climate change will kill us all. The sea levels will rise, severe weather patterns will become more common, entire ecosystems will be destroyed, and more disastrous things are in our future. Our entire way of life is at risk and there not only are people who are apathetic to these problems, but some actively ignore the warning signs and say nothing is wrong. It's an absolutely maddening situation. And that's basically the plot of Don't Look Up, only it's a comet and not rising global temperatures. Interesting premise, but not the best execution.
A Puppy for Christmas (2016)
Christmas means many things to many people, but its true meaning is to be in a relationship with someone who will help you decorate a tree for the holidays. Oh, you doubt me? Then why are there a million different Christmas romances where that's the message? Checkmate. In this particular case, A Puppy for Christmas is about finding your one true Christmas love AND adopting the worst puppy ever. Just a garbage dog. Girl, you're ruining your life with this animal.
Santa Jaws (2018)
Ho ho ho! Merry December! That's right, the guy who hisses like a frightened possum when he hears Christmas music before Thanksgiving is setting up another month dedicated to winter-themed holiday movies. But I'm not dedicating the entire month to it, as The Cabinet of Caligari and The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari remake indicate. Anyway, remember that poorly planned Shark Week I did back in August? It was an excuse to cover most of the films on the "Shark Bait: 6 Killer Shark Films" DVD pack I picked up during quarantine. I had previously covered Ghost Shark, but that week checked off Mississippi River Sharks, Ozark Sharks, Swamp Shark, Shark Island, and also Alligator Alley because this is a weird collection. All that was left was Santa Jaws, which I was saving for December. Well, the time is now. Let's finish this!
Fire City: End of Days (2015)
I honestly don't remember how Fire City: End of Days came up on my radar. The director's done stuff, but nothing that would make him stand out as a director. The writers have done little else. And none of the actors are really big names or in really big things. But I was still drawn to the film, mostly because it looked like it had some cool looking monsters. And it did! But basically nothing else worth watching.
Chwineka Watches 