Category: 1.5 stars
Exasperated sigh and eyeroll.
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Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015)
I can’t really call it a “milestone,” but Paranormal Octoberty has reached the point where this is the last movie in either franchise–Paranormal Activity and The Exorcist–that I have seen. And I basically remembered nothing about Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension, so it’s kind of like watching it again for the first time? And now that I’m blogging about it, I’m sure that it’ll stick in my brain. Yup, I definitely remember watching every movie I’ve talked about on here! Like that Jensen Ackles movie, Devour, where he… uh… was in a dysfunctional relationship with Jared Padalecki from Gilmore Girls?…
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Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones (2014)
People who have been following Paranormal Octoberty may have seen me mention the idea of time traveling witches while talking about the Paranormal Activity franchise. What a weird thing to bring up in a series about demons attacking families and possessing people, right? Well, as it turns out, there are time traveling witches in Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones, which is either the fifth main film or the first spin-off, depending on how you keep track of it. Maybe both? Let’s go with both. Both is good. This movie, however, is not as good.
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Amityville Hex (2021)
Have you ever seen a movie that haunted you so much that you just had to sit down at your computer and write a post about it, despite still technically being on a hiatus? No? Just me? Then I guess you haven’t seen Amityville Hex, a movie that I’ll either forget next week or will remember until the day I die. There is no in-between.
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Saw VI (2009)
Man, whoever would’ve guessed the sixth entry of a franchise where the main character died in the third movie would be lackluster? Saw VI continues beating a dead horse with rising stakes that aren’t engaging, some heavy handed–and bad–takes on morality, and continuing to idolize a fucking hypocrite. Having a lot of fun over here with Saw-mhain, for sure!
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Old (2021)
Saying you’re not a fan of Mr. M Night Shyamalan’s later work is a pretty basic opinion these days. No one enjoyed The Last Airbender; and while The Happening is generally pointed to as his worst film, I will go to my grave saying Lady in the Water is objectively worse. So I did not have high hopes for Old when I first heard about it. And now that I’ve seen it, I can say that it’s another disappointment from a man who had so much potential. What a twist.
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Evil Toons (1992)
I would like to lodge a formal complaint. I was promised porn stars in a cheesy horror movie fighting to survive against evil cartoons brought to life, and yet there was only one titular evil toon. Yes, there is the suggestion that the Knockoffronomicon has more sinister animated beasties, but I’d argue that’s still false advertising. Well att least I got to listen to some godawful rock music… Okay, maybe I should start from the beginning.
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FleshEater (1988)
And so we end October of the Living Dead the same way we started: with Mr. Bill Hinzman. Remember back in Night of the Living Dead when I said to keep him in mind for later on? Well, that time is now! The man who played the first “ghoul” we see made a career out of that appearance, culminating in this film that he wrote, directed, and starred it. It’s currently freely streaming on Tubi, so that kind of tells you the quality.
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Return of the Living Dead: Part II (1988)
Stop me if you’ve heard this one: a vat of Trioxin leaks, Mr. Thom Mathews and Mr. James Karen get exposed and slowly become zombies, and the gas hits clouds which rains the chemical all over a nearby graveyard. Yes, that is the setup for The Return of the Living Dead, but it’s also a good chunk of the setup for the sequel, Return of the Living Dead: Part II. Look, I figured the later sequels I’d watch as part of October of the Living Dead would be bad, but I didn’t expect the first sequel to be so repetitive.
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Devour (2005)
Even with Movie Night taking a hiatus and then back with a relaxed schedule for a while, I still watch a lot of movies in a year. I don’t mean that so much as a brag, but as a defense in this case. Devour is a psychological horror film starring Mr. Jensen “Dean Winchester” Ackles, and its poster caught my eye enough that I put it on for Movie Night. Simple enough, right? Well, turns out we had watched it back in 2018 and none of us remembered a single detail about it. Not the best look!
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The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (2005)
Now wait, you might be saying to yourself. Didn’t he already cover this? Well, yes and no. Yes, I started this week with a post on the 1920 silent film The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari. But no, today’s post is on the 2005 remake that I can’t absolutely confirm is a shot-for-shot remake, but it’s the exact same movie. Except the characters now talk. A lot. And it’s not good.
Chwineka Watches 