Tag: ugly cgi
“This thing looks like a bad CGI movie creature!”
-Bad CGI Sharks (2019)
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Legends of the Hidden Temple (2016)
I remember watching the Legends of the Hidden Temple TV show when I was a kid. If you don’t know what that is, that just reminds me that I’m an old on the internet. Anyway, it was a adventure game show on Nickelodeon back in the 1990’s where teams of kids would attempt challenges, and if successful they would enter the Hidden Temple and try to get an artifact out before the hidden guards would pop out, scare the shit out of them (and probably a good number of kids watching), and end their run. And because nothing is sacred,…
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Cats (2019)
Everything that needs to be said about Tom Hooper’s Cats has already been said, but that’s not going to stop me from adding my own two cents, pointing out some things I haven’t seen other people talk to death. The plot of Cats is… notoriously thin. Cats appear, sing about themselves, get kidnapped by Mr. Idris Elba, and at the end Ms. Jennifer Hudson is chosen to be reincarnated by the leader of the death cult. A tale as old as time, really. The movie adds some new elements, but I’m not all that familiar with the stage musical so…
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The Curse of King Tut, Part 2 (2006)
Man, I hope when this aired on the Hallmark Channel that they included a “previously on” montage, because the version I watched jumps right into the second half with no explanation. It might as well have been a commercial break instead of “to be continued” and credits. Who knows, maybe it was shown like that. I don’t care enough to look it up. Casper Van Dien has already taken up enough of my time.
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The Curse of King Tut, Part 1 (2006)
Oh my god, why is this movie 3 hours long?? It’s a Hallmark original movie, for fuck’s sake! I refuse to sit though all of this in one sitting, so just like Hallmark Channel did, I’m breaking this up into two parts. Because all the best movies–and reviews–end with “to be continued.”
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The Pyramid (2014)
Mummy Mondays are still on hold due to social distancing (we should be back on track next week), so this week I’m talking about The Pyramid, a movie that doesn’t actually have a mummy for the villain. I imagine The Scorpion King franchise is the same way, so it was going to happen at some point. Instead our villain is… Anubus. Like, the actual Egyptian, jackal-headed god of death. Well, that could be cool… TOO BAD IT IS NOT!
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ZsaZsa Zaturnnah Ze Moveeh (2006)
The first time I saw a trailer for this movie, I knew I had to own it. This movie was made for me, and it was my destiny to find it. Sure, it’s not in English (well, mostly not in English), but that’s never stopped me before. Bring on subtitles! I don’t fear them!
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The Call of the Wild (2020)
I’m just going to come out and say it: I’m not a dog person. I had a couple dogs growing up and they were… not ideal. I’ve never felt super comfortable around dogs, let alone a big dog. And let me tell you, Buck in this movie is a VERY BIG dog. Or, more accurately, a very big computer generated creature in the shape of a dog.
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Dolittle (2020)
Children’s movies are a strange beast to talk about, mainly because the people doing the talking are not the target audience. If you call such a movie “simple” or “juvenile,” well… that’s kind of the point, isn’t it? Anyway, Doolittle is certainly not the worst kid’s movie I’ve ever seen–I’m sure a good number of kids had fun watching this–but it’s not going to be all that enjoyable for adults.
Chwineka Watches 