I love my friends, I really do. When I asked around about what people thought was the worst movie they'd ever seen I got some of the usual suspects, but enough of my friends are fucking weirdos like me that I got a few rare cuts as well. One of them was Taintlight, a cheap and ugly parody of Twilight (a movie I have now mentioned on this blog 6 times so I'm now contractually obligated to cover it before the new year is over). How ugly? Well...
Another week means another episode of WandaVision, now in color! That's not just a joke; that's also the title, "Now in Color." The uncomfortable strangeness of the show continues, now with a 1970's The Brady Bunch aesthetic (and a theme song very reminiscent of The Partridge Family). When last we saw our couple, Wanda was suddenly pregnant. Months away from giving birth, right? Well... not quite.
How can I devote a month to some of the worst movies ever and not talk about Birdemic: Shock and Terror? I actually own this film (but it's also available on Tubi because of course it is) and somehow managed to not get around to it during the first year of this blog. But that oversight has now been remedied! Birdemic is infamous for being up there with The Room in terms of completely inept filmmaking. It boldly asks the question, "What if The Birds was mixed with An Inconvenient Truth with the worst CG birds you've ever seen?" It is, for lack of a better word, art.
I am not a very religious man, but when I was younger I read several book in the Left Behind series by Tim LaHaye and Jerry B Jenkins. If you haven't heard of them, they were the story of those suffering through the 7 years of the Great Tribulation. I think I got up to Assassins, the sixth book where the Antichrist gets shot in the head (he gets better), before the HEAVY religious overtones were just too much for me. But they made movie adaptations of the series, so let's dive into another shitty movie starring Mr. Kirk Cameron! Wait... I'm not talking about 2000's Left Behind? Instead I'm talking about the 2014 one starring Nic Cage, where even Christian reviewers thought it was one of the worst movies ever made? I never thought I would ever say this, but I'd rather watch a Kirk Cameron movie. I don't know how to feel about that...
Is there a recognized subgenre of movies called something like "The Room, but X" or am I breaking new ground? Either way, it's been too hetero during this month of some of the worst movies ever made, so let's watch The Room, but gay! Yes, even gay directors can make movies that are so bad and boring that I long for the sweet release of death while suffering through them. Equality!
Happy Saturday! The first two episodes of WandaVision dropped yesterday, so here we are! If you don't know what that is, buckle up! It's a new entry for the MCU (Marvel Cinematic Universe) from Disney+. Sure, there were the Defenders on Netflix and Agents of SHIELD and Agent Carter on actual television, but those shows had minimal (if any) interaction with the films because they were basically run by a separate department. It was a whole thing. But the Disney+ shows not only star characters from the movies, but they--supposedly--will have lasting effects that lead into future movies and/or shows. But that's getting ahead of ourselves.
When I was compiling a list of potential movies for a month full of "the worst ever," there was only one movie that made me shudder every time I remembered it existed. Now, I use a lot of hyperbolic language on this blog, but I need you to understand something: I mean that literally. Every time I thought about Ms. Paris Hilton's The Hottie & the Nottie, I physically shuddered. Out of ALL the movies I gathered links to, this was the one I dreaded the most. But here we are, for better or worse.
Suicide Squad--not to be confused with The Suicide Squad, the upcoming reboot/sequel--is a victim of January's theme of "worst movies ever" because someone on Facebook named it. Personally, I don't think it's even the worst of the DC Extended Universe, but nobody named Batman Vee Superman Colon Dawn of Justice or Justice League. I'll get to those eventually, but today we talk about a movie done dirty by bad editing (although its lackluster story didn't help).
Sure, I could spend all of January pulling movies straight from the IMDB Bottom 100 and call it a day. Month. Whatever. But things like "bad" and "worst ever" are incredibly subjective. What you think is awful could be another person's favorite movie. As an example, Diary of a Cannibal--the worst movie I have ever seen and no I will never shut up about that--has reviews on IMDB giving it an 8 and a 10. Are these people deranged? Probably, but you get the idea. So while Possessor has been on several "best of 2020" lists, one anonymous person on Letterboxd said, and I quote, "One of the worst movies we have ever seen." Flimsy justification on my part to watch a good movie during this month, but someone said it was the worst! So here we are!
Yes Virginia, there is more content coming...