Ho ho ho! Merry December! That's right, the guy who hisses like a frightened possum when he hears Christmas music before Thanksgiving is setting up another month dedicated to winter-themed holiday movies. But I'm not dedicating the entire month to it, as The Cabinet of Caligari and The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari remake indicate. Anyway, remember that poorly planned Shark Week I did back in August? It was an excuse to cover most of the films on the "Shark Bait: 6 Killer Shark Films" DVD pack I picked up during quarantine. I had previously covered Ghost Shark, but that week checked off Mississippi River Sharks, Ozark Sharks, Swamp Shark, Shark Island, and also Alligator Alley because this is a weird collection. All that was left was Santa Jaws, which I was saving for December. Well, the time is now. Let's finish this!
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Hawkeye – Season 1, Episode 3
Another week means another episode of Hawkeye, the latest Disney+ Marvel Cinematic Universe show. Last time, Hawkeye (Clint Barton) and Hawkeye (Kate Bishop) indulged their disaster-prone tendencies while trying to get back a costume he murdered a bunch of people in (Clint) and trying to find out if your future step-dad, Jack Duquesne, is a murderer (Kate). The ended up getting captured by the Tracksuit Mafia, which is led by... well, let's dive into who is Maya Lopez (Ms. Alaqua Cox).
Hawkeye – Season 1, Episodes 1 & 2
We're back, baby! Did you miss me? Don't answer that. After taking a week off, Chwineka Watches is back to cover not one, but two episodes of Hawkeye, the newest Disney+ Marvel Cinematic Universe show! Set after Avengers: Endgame, the series sees the titular Hawkeye, Clint Barton (Mr. Jeremy Renner), seemingly having put his superhero life behind him, only to get wrapped up in a murder mystery thanks to the titular Hawkeye, Kate Bishop (Hailee Steinfeld), his biggest fan. Yes, even Hawkeye has fans. I really like Green Arrow--the DC Comics archer superhero--so it can happen.
House (1977)
As I said in the Eraserhead post, I watched a double feature of films made in 1977 by first-time directors that were surreal as all hell and part of the Criterion Collection. How very specific, but that applies to Eraserhead just as much as Hausu, AKA House. Director Mr. Nobuhiko Obayashi had previously worked on commercials, and that comes across in how bizarre and at times episodic the film feels.
Eternals (2021)
I want to start by saying that I enjoyed Eternals. I went in with some fairly low expectations after all the mixed reviews, but I thought it was better than expected. It was fun--and not in a "so dumb it wraps back around to enjoyable" way--and despite the long run time, I never really felt it drag. But there be spoilers ahead, so keep reading at your own discretion. Like the header said, I won't spoil the big moments, but still.
Virus (1999)
Every movie is somebody's least favorite movie. That's just the law of averages, in my mind. I can look up just about any movie generally regarded as "good" or "a classic" and find 1 star reviews saying it's boring, or just sucks. But while most people can safely ignore idontknowiknowthatidontknow's review of The Shawshank Redemption, "if this film is #2 of all time, then i am Jesus Christ returning to burn this trash," big names saying they hate a movie they actually were in is worth noticing. Case in point, Mrs. Jamie Lee Curtis has said on multiple occasions that Virus is the worst movie she's ever been in, which is a bold claim to make about a fairly okay movie.
When They Cry: Kai – Season 2, Episodes 10-13
Normally when covering Higurashi no Naku Koro ni: Kai, AKA When They Cry: Kai, I talk about an entire arc in one post. Well, Mass Slaughter is eight episodes long, so welcome to part two! Let's start with a brief recap of what happened in the first four episodes: Rika is aware she's stuck in a neverending time loop of the same days over and over until her eventual murder. After around a hundred years of this, morale is in the dumps. Doesn't help that her invisible friend, the horned Hanyu, is a pretty big fatalist as well. Moping about the inescapable nature of fate to Keiichi, Rika is surprised when the boy stands up and forcibly changes how things are supposed to happen. Bolstered by new hope, she rallies her friends to save Satoko, her best friend who is trapped with an abusive uncle. And that's basically where we start this second half of episodes.
The Descent: Part 2 (2009)
Happy Halloween! I know I usually do movie posts on weekdays, but today is a very special day. Not only is it my favorite holiday, but this is my 400th post! Not including "basic information" stuff, but still! My 100th post was Viktor un Viktoria because I wasn't paying attention, my 200th was Collateral Beauty back in January (#ReleaseTheChwinekaCut), and my 300th was Vampire Boys 2: The New Brood during Pride Month because I again wasn't paying attention. Now here we are with The Descent: Part 2, which you probably figured was a sequel to The Descent, a movie I reviewed last Halloween. The original is one of my favorite movies and an amazing horror film. So by ensuring that the 400th post synced up with the spookiest day of the year, you'd think that its sequel is equally deserving of praise. Nope! This is a piece of shit and I hate it!
Lord of Illusions (1995)
On the surface, Lord of Illusions has very little to do with the Hellraiser franchise. One is about a shrewd detective in way over his head among supernatural nonsense, while the other is all about Hell. But what if I were to tell you that they take place in the same universe? Because that's absolutely the case, straight from Mr. Clive Barker himself. So this film actually does fit into this year's October themed event, The Hellbound Halloween! But I'm getting ahead of myself.
Nightbreed (1990)
Welcome back to the Hellbound Halloween and the first film in sort of interlude. See, the last two films in the Hellraiser franchise are their own kind of bad, so I need to take a short break before wrapping this all up with them. But that gave me an opportunity to check out some of Mr. Clive Barker's other films that are tangentially related to the Hellraiser series, starting with 1990's Nightbreed.
Chwineka Watches 