Jennifer’s Body (2009)

So apparently some people on the internet don’t like this movie. They are wrong. It’s just that simple.

Despite the title, our main character is Needy, played by Mrs. Amanda Seyfried. She and Jennifer (Megan Fox) are long time friends, and have this weird psychic connection most likely fueled by pent up sexual longing. A douchey band comes to town and while a bar burns down they run off with Jennifer, virgin sacrifice her for money and fame, and sing Tommy Tutone’s “867-5309/Jenny” while doing it. But Jennifer’s not a virgin, so she comes back as a sort of succubus–a literal man-eater, if you will. As the bodies pile up, Needy realizes that she’ll have to kill Jennifer (Needy’s boyfriend being killed certainly helps motivate her). So Jennifer is killed, Needy is institutionalized, and then the surprise twist! Needy got bit by Jennifer so she now has some demonic powers! She breaks out, gets picked up by a Lance Henriksen cameo, and the end credits roll over crime scene photos the asshole band mates that she has literally torn apart.

A fair number of complaints about this movie seem to be… not about this movie. Megan Fox is a bitch, the internet cries! I don’t know one way or another, but why does that matter? If she is, she’s perfect for the role; if not, then that’s a weak complaint. She publicly talked shit about the Transformers movies, they cry again! Well… who didn’t? Don’t tell me you care about Michael Bay’s feelings, because I’m not sure he actually has any. She can’t act, I hear! I point to Jennifer’s Body and say try again. She’s not hot anymore, a few even cry! I actually found some people saying that, in case you needed to be reminded that the internet sucks.

It’s sexism, pure and simple. Michael Fassbender has been accused of dragging his ex-girlfriend with his car, but sure, Megan Fox is the one Hollywood needs to blacklist. It’s not even subtle enough to be considered “thinly veiled.” And it sucks, because she’s not given opportunities to shine. Instead she gets typecast and scripts like Jonah Hex. The fact that she hasn’t quit acting at all shows she’s tougher than I am.


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