Enough stalling, let’s get on to the prequels. While I did find the various documentaries made by Mr. Robert Guenette to be informative, I didn’t initially plan on covering them so early in 2024: A Star Wars Event. But I give you my word that I won’t be interrupting the prequel Star Wars films with whatever documentaries I can find. So let’s begin with Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace, I movie that was better than I remember it being! Except for, you know… him.
Around 30 years before Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope, we find ourselves in the era of the Galactic Republic and the height of its guardians, the Jedi. Our main characters are a younger Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor) and his mentor, Qui-Gon Jinn (Liam Neeson). The film opens with them working on a… trade dispute. Hm. Turns out their fighting skills are actually necessary when Nute Gunray (Silas Carson) of the Trade Federation attacks them. The Federation is working with the Sith Lord Darth Sidious (Ian McDiarmid) to blockade off the planet of Naboo, ruled by Queen Amidala (Natalie Portman and/or Kiera Knightly). The Jedi duo sneak to the planet and find the man, the myth, the legend, the fan-theorized Sith Lord, Jar Jar Binks (Ahmed Best). Jar Jar bumbles his way into helping them rescue the Queen and take her off planet. But their ship can’t reach the Republic capital of Coruscant, so they make a pit stop at Tatooine where they get help from a little slave boy named Anakin Skywalker (Jake Lloyd). Hey, I know that name! He helps Qui-Gon, who soon realizes that not only does Anakin have Force powers, but that they–and his midi-chlorians–are off the charts. The boy also is sweet on Padmé (Natalie Portman), the Queen’s assistant. Anakin wins a race and thanks to some shrewd betting by Qui-Gon, wins his freedom as well. But not that of his mother, Shmi Skywalker (Pernilla August); that’ll be important later.
All the while Sidious is trying to stop Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan, sending his apprentice, Darth Maul (played by Ray Park, voiced by Peter Serafinowicz) to stop them. But the Jedi, Anakin, Padmé, Jar Jar, and the Queen escape Tatooine and head to Coruscant. There they find bureaucratic hurdles which forces Queen Amidala, with some help from Senator Palpatine (Ian McDiarmid), call a vote of no confidence on the Chancellor. Meanwhile, Qui-Gon presents the presence of the Sith and of Anakin to the Jedi council. Yoda senses fear in the boy and is hesitant to train him, but Qui-Gon steps in, believing Anakin to be the Chosen One prophesied to destroy the Sith. Amidala wants to go back to Naboo and fight back while the politicians bicker, and the two Jedi, Anakin, and Jar Jar join her and Padmé. They get help from Jar Jar’s people, the Gungans, and start fighting the Trade Federation’s droid army. During all this we learn that Padmé actually is the Queen, with her real assistant, Sabé (Knightly), stepping in to distract potential assassins. The Battle of Naboo is largely one sided, but the main fight is won by the heroes when Anakin accidentally flies a ship into the Trade Federation control vessel and destroys it, stopping their droid army. But when Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan face off against Darth Maul, Qui-Gon is killed before Obi-Wan can cut Maul in half. Pretty sure we’re not gonna hear from that guy again! But the day is saved with Obi-Wan stepping in to train Anakin.
The prequels are both beloved and sneered at, and like most things, the truth is in the middle. Throwing Jedi in the middle of a political trade dispute that breaks out into a war just doesn’t fit right. Like, Shin Gojira worked so well because the outsiders were forced to work within the bureaucratic system to find a way to fight Godzilla, while the Jedi basically flip a table and start swinging their lightsabers. But the film was not as bad as I had been dreading. Jake Lloyd as Anakin was fine; I’ve definitely seen worse kid actors, the internet’s just mean. And honestly, the fight against Darth Maul was great. The music playing in the background, “Duel of the Fates,” is one of the best pieces John Williams has made for Star Wars and the energetic style of the battle has become the standard of lightsaber fights, where in the original trilogy is was more fencing than acrobatic backflips. And as for midi-cholorians, while I don’t take George Lucas at his word that they’ve always been in his head since 1977, it’s not the worst part of the movie.
No, that’s gotta go to Jar Jar Binks. Look, I know he was made for the kids in the audience, but I don’t think even they liked him. He’s at best a bumbling idiot and at worst a racist caricature, and he just takes up so much of the plot. And because I’m never happy about anything, I think it was actually cowardly of Lucas to cute Jar Jar out of most of the prequel sequels. Sure, he dooms the galaxy by putting forward emergency powers Palpatine would never relinquish, but you made this monstrosity, George–you deal with it.
As for Palpatine, I remember when I first saw these movies and hoped there’d be a better twist than “turns out Palpatine was evil the whole time.” I even thought up a halfway decent idea, if I say so myself! I imagined that Darth Sidious and Senator Palpatine were actually twins, both scheming around each other in a galaxy-sized game of chess, with Sidious using the Force and Palpatine using politics. In the end only one of them could rule, and I thought it’d be fun if Palpatine stood triumphant by overpowering and outmaneuvering his brother. I mean, it’s not like “and they were twins” is an unheard of plot twist in this franchise. I just… wanted more than the super obvious twist, you know? But we can’t always get what we want. And sometimes, a franchise doesn’t even give us what we need. Or something.
Next: Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones
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