Mega Shark vs Kolossus (2015)

Shark Week is wrapping up, and so are the Mega Shark movies. Well, until Mega Shark vs Moby Dick, which is supposed to come out in 2021 but that’s Future Chwineka’s problem. Until then we’ve reached the end of this franchise, and this last entry… didn’t suck? It was bad, don’t get me wrong, but bad in a lot of the the right ways.

Taking place a year after Mega Shark vs Mecha Shark, the world has not recovered and everyone is terrified of another megalodon appearing. And sure enough, a Russian ship finds a giant shark egg and our new mega shark is born. Then our plot splits into three stories: the military and a mean scientist trying to destroy the mega shark, a good scientist and a rich tech bro trying to capture the mega shark, and a secret agent and basically an intern trying to stop the Kolossus, a Russian death machine that looks like a robotic Titan (like from Attack on Titan). See, the B-plot and the mega shark’s opponent for this movie is an unstoppable Cold War death machine that gets activated and will destroy basically everything that’s not Russia, I guess. Back with the mega shark, the military keeps failing, leading the Admiral to lose his god damned mind and call in a nuclear strike before killing himself. The good scientist and tech bro stop the nukes, and along the way run into the agents, bringing all the plots together. A trip to a secret facility later and our protagonists have a device to control the Kolossus! But big surprise, the tech bro is evil, takes control of the Kolossus AND the mega shark. He then enacts his evil plan to… save the planet? So all his talk about wanting to protect the world was true, but his way of going about that is killing polluting cities. Not 100% on board, but I can see where he’s coming from. A fight later and his control over the two is broken, leading to his death. The Kolossus grapples the mega shark and detonates, destroying the both of them. Meanwhile, a new baby mega shark hatches, and eats the mean scientist in a stinger.

My Movie Night friends and I have a concept of “duuuuumb” movies: movies that are so bad and/or dumb that they wrap back around to being highly enjoyable. Shame me all you want, but I kind of like this one! At one point the US military is going to use a satellite laser to destroy the mega shark and Kolossus, so the tech bro has the Kolossus throw the mega shark so high that it knocks the laser–damaging the moon in the process–and then the shark lands back in the water, perfectly fine. The shark moos during this sequence. And I fucking loved it. You can find the sequence on YouTube, and I recommend that 30 second clip more than watching the actual film.

Then there were several moments where I thought to myself, “Oh, they stole that idea from another movie,” only to realize that the movie I was thinking of came out AFTER this one. The good scientist has a theory that mega sharks will continue to appear as long as nature needs defending, which was a major plot point of 2019’s Godzilla: King of the Monsters. And the admiral’s vendetta against the mega shark–and the fact that his last name is “Jackson”–reminded me a lot of Mr. Samuel Jackson in 2017’s Kong: Skull Island. Maybe there aren’t that many original ideas in “creature destroys shit” movies, but the parallels struck me as interesting enough to include here.


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