Happy Halloween! I know I usually do movie posts on weekdays, but today is a very special day. Not only is it my favorite holiday, but this is my 400th post! Not including “basic information” stuff, but still! My 100th post was Viktor un Viktoria because I wasn’t paying attention, my 200th was Collateral Beauty back in January (#ReleaseTheChwinekaCut), and my 300th was Vampire Boys 2: The New Brood during Pride Month because I again wasn’t paying attention. Now here we are with The Descent: Part 2, which you probably figured was a sequel to The Descent, a movie I reviewed last Halloween. The original is one of my favorite movies and an amazing horror film. So by ensuring that the 400th post synced up with the spookiest day of the year, you’d think that its sequel is equally deserving of praise. Nope! This is a piece of shit and I hate it!
Stop me if you’ve heard this one. After a bad reaction to her daughter’s death, Sarah and a group of others go down into an unexplored cave system full of blind, savage humanoids. There’s a failed attempt to cross a seemingly bottomless pit, there’s a pool of disgusting fluids that Sarah finds herself in, and lots of death. At the climax there are two survivors–one is left for dead while the other escapes, or at least they think they escaped. Sure, that’s a summary of the first movie, but it’s also applies to this sequel. The Descent: Part 2 adds nothing that the original didn’t do better. Well, that’s not entirely fair; it does add a “comedic” beat with a shit pit. I’m sure one person laughed.
After having escaped the cave… somehow, Sarah gets found by an old man. A massive search party has been looking for the girls since Juno is the niece of a Senator, which is something that was never brought up before. The sheriff–a Kenny Rogers looking motherfucker who is the worst–suspects Sarah of murdering all the other girls. Is it standard operating procedure to take your murder suspect into an unexplored cave system? Cause that’s how Sarah ends up back underground along with some cops and a search party. The sheriff even handcuffs himself to her at one point, which inevitably leads to him dangling off a ledge by the chain, only for his deputy to cut his hand off. At least he suffered before he died! It also turns out that Juno survived, but she dies saving Sarah. Sarah sacrifices herself for the deputy, who makes it above ground and… god, I hate this ending.
So remember that old man at the beginning who hasn’t been seen in about an hour? He hits the deputy in the face with a shovel and drags her back to the hole leading underground. Why? Fuck if I know! He mentioned that his “granddaddy” went down into the system and never returned, so him liking the troglodytes that killed his ancestor is a bit bizarre. The only thing that makes sense is that he’s feeding them for completely unclear reasons. But how was he so sure that rescuing Sarah would lead to an expedition going down there? The sheriff kept the whole thing quiet, so the old man’s the only one left–assuming the deputy died–who knew about it. It’s the only explanation I have for why he rescued Sarah but attacked the deputy (besides may him just hating cops). It’s such a dumb twist with the only thing remotely close to a hint coming early on when he winked at the deputy as the group was descending. I hate him, just like I hate this ending. It’s just mean for no reason other than “the original had a similarly somber ending.”
As for other differences, they also suck. The sheriff–and the old man once his treachery is revealed–are assholes to a cartoonish degree. The extra characters don’t get fleshed out enough for me to care about when they die, although one was in Penny Dreadful as a side character. The deputy assumes she’s not going to make it out and records a heartfelt video to her baby daughter, but the moment is ruined when you can see the Nokia logo clearly displayed on her phone, making me wonder if this was product placement. It’s just bad all over. I don’t know why that’s a surprise, since the director was an editor on The Descent and went right back to editing after this, making Part 2 the only film he ever directed. Three writers are credited, and the most prolific has 10 entries under “Writer” on IMDB. I have no idea why people thought it would be a good idea to make this movie, but they were wrong and should feel bad.
And this is how I voluntarily commemorated not only Halloween, but my 400th post/review on this blog! Yay… At least there’s not The Descent: Part 3 or anything, so maybe next Halloween I’ll review something good again.
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