I need to take a break from Star Wars media for a minute after rewatching Star Wars: Episode IX – The Rise of Skywalker. I think a lot of people did. But when I started 2024: A Star Wars Event I said I’d sometimes do Star Wars-adjacent things, and when you really think about it, that’s a really vague term, right? So I’m kicking off this week with Glass Onion, the sequel to Knives Out, written and directed by Mr. Rian Johnson. Say, didn’t he also write and direct Star Wars: Episode VIII – The Last Jedi? Adjacent!
There was a murder! Only it wasn’t real. Or was it? Benoit Blanc is back, weird accent and all, played by Daniel Craig, who also played the stormtrooper Rey mind controlled in Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens. Adjacent! The case this time takes place during COVID lockdowns when a group of eclectic friends get a mysterious box from tech billionaire Miles Bron (Edward Norton). The recipients are governor Claire Debella (Kathryn Hahn), scientist Lionel Toussaint (Leslie Odom Jr.), criminally tactless socialite Birdie Jay (Kate Hudson), manosphere vlogger Duke Cody (Dave Bautista), and Bron’s ex partner Andi Brand (Janelle Monáe). Also Blanc got one? When everyone is gathered on Bron’s island–including Duke’s girlfriend Whiskey (Madelyn Cline) and Birdie’s stressed out assistant Peg (Jessica Henwick, who also was in The Force Awakens so adjacent once again)–it’s revealed that someone else invited Blanc for as yet unknown reasons. But Bron brought everyone together for a murder mystery, which was supposed to take all weekend but Benoit solved it instantly. The detective then warns Miles that everyone here hates him and may take an opportunity to kill him. That threat manifests when someone is poisoned, but it was Miles’ drink! And then Andi, who has been very upset that Bron kicked her out of their company and everyone lied to back him up, is shot! And the killer is…
Well, it’s complicated. At this point in the movie we flashback to the very beginning and recontextualize everything we’ve seen. Spoilers below, so fairly warned be ye. I highly recommend seeing the movie, so maybe check it out if you haven’t already?
So the flashbacks. We learn that Andi isn’t Andi, but her twin sister Helen. Andi supposedly killed herself, but the timing makes Helen believe one of her shithead ex-friends may have staged it. With guidance Helen becomes her sister, unnerving everyone enough for her and Benoit to gather information. Miles wouldn’t dare put his empire at risk, so it has to be one of the other four. And Duke dies so probably not him. The answer ties into the title of the film–the Glass Onion was the name of the bar where the shitheads all got together and where Andi came up with the billion dollar idea, which Miles stole. Miles even loves it enough that he builds a giant glass onion on his island. But a glass onion is an interesting metaphor–it has layers like, but you can see right to the core. And that’s what this case is, layers of a stupid mystery obfuscating the painfully obvious truth: Elon Musk is an idiot.
Sorry, Miles Bron! What a weird mistake. Anyway, Miles is an idiot who has enough money to hire the smartest people in the world, but even they can only mitigate his stupidity to an extent. His plan to create a new hydrogen-based fuel source has the very real potential to blow up whatever it powers, which in this case is Bron’s mansion when Helen reveals the truth but loses the evidence needed to prove he’s scum. With his mansion goes the Mona Lisa, so… get fucked, ya rich asshole. Everyone turns on him, and justice is served.
Not all Rian Johnson movies are about class warfare, but like… several of the best ones are. The Last Jedi took time to point out the real scum of the galaxy in war profiteers and Knives Out had a similar theme to Glass Onion with a person of “lower class” needing Blanc’s help to reveal the schemes of rich assholes. And while they deny it–most likely for legal reasons–Miles is absolutely Elon Musk. Or at least a Musk-esque tech asshole with more money than God and absolutely no humanity. Seeing him get taken down a peg is really cathartic. Doesn’t hurt that Jessica Henwick’s beleaguered Peg is a delight in just about every scene she’s in, including when she’s in the background. She’s also kinda gay for Andi/Helen? Might be reaching, but I calls it like I sees it.
So yeah. I went back and forth on the rating of this movie for a long time, but it’s damn near perfect. I mean, if I can give PG: Psycho Goreman a perfect score, then this film deserves it as well.
Oh, and because this is a Rian Johnson film, Noah Segan plays a stoner named Derol crashing with Bron and Joseph Gordon-Levitt is the voice of the hourly “DONG!” They’re in all of Johnson’s movies, and since I didn’t mention it at the time, in The Last Jedi JGL was the alien who catches Finn and Rose on Canto Bight and Segan was an X-wing fighter pilot, and in Knives Out JGL was an unseen cop we hear and Segan was a trooper who was investigating the murder. Fun fact!
Previous: Knives Out
Follow Me Elsewhere
Chwineka Watches 
Leave a comment