Happy Halloween! Saw-mhain may be over, but I always try to have a little extra something on All Hallows’ Eve itself. And after permanently rotting by brain watching so many Saw movies, this year’s choice was pretty easy. Why not watch another movie directed by Saw II, Saw III, Saw IV, and Spiral: From the Book of Saw director Mr. Darren Lynn Bousman that’s also a cult classic and has a soundtrack I still to this day listen to? I mean, it was either this or The Barrens, and I’ll get to rabid Jersey Devil some other time.
In the not-too-distant-future, a plague of organ failures killed millions until GeneCo. came out with replacement organs and payment plans. But failing to pay for your life saving procedure puts a target on your back, as they may be violently repossessed by Repo Men. Why yes, this does sound a lot like the 2010 film Repo Men, but I can’t definitively say the idea was stolen. Anyway, the story follows Shilo (Alexa PenaVega), the sickly daughter of widower Nathan Wallace (Anthony Stewart Head from Buffy the Vampire Slayer). Shilo’s mother, Marnie, died during childbirth and Nathan blames himself, but really the mom was killed by her ex-lover, Rotti Largo (Paul Sorvino), the CEO of GeneCo. Using Nathan’s shame, Rotti has turned him into the preeminent Repo Man, something Shilo doesn’t know about. There’s a lot he’s been keeping from Shilo, actually. Meanwhile, Rotti is dying but his children–murderous Luigi (Bill Moseley), face-stealing Pavi (Kevin “Ogre from Skinny Puppy” Ogilvie), and surgery-addicted Amber (Paris Hilton)–are all fuckups and he doesn’t want to leave the company to them. No, he’d rather leave it all to Shilo and organizes a very elaborate revenge plot against Nathan for stealing away his Marnie. Also involved are a Graverobber (writer Terrance Zdunich) who harvests a black market version of popular painkiller Zydrate from corpses, and Blind Mag (Sarah Brightman), a musician who would rather die than work for GeneCo any longer. It’s a lot going on, but it works! Mostly.
Look, I love this movie, but even I have to admit it’s kind of a mess. There’s too much going on, not all of the songs are that good, and I absolutely refuse to believe any report that says the budget was $8.5 million. That’s just wrong, if you do even a modicum of research you find production stories about how strapped for cash they all were, and I don’t know where that number came from. But you guys, I love this movie. It’s pure camp. Paris Hilton’s face falls off during a performance! It’s horror gore and rock music! And I love the soundtrack–Zydrate Anatomy is a fucking banger, Legal Assassin shows Nathan’s precarious mental state, and I Didn’t Know I’d Love You So Much still makes me emotionally compromised. The movie is filled with love, and also a cameo from Joan Jett? The whole thing is baffling, and I adore it. It’s not perfect, but bitch, neither are we.
And with this, I return to the void until summoned once again, probably by some new shitty sequel. See you whenever, and stay spooky!
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