Chwineka Watches

The dead speak!

  • Beethoven’s Big Break (2008)

    We are six movies into this damned franchise. The series has gone on so long that this film is a reboot, showcasing a completely different dog with the same name and behaviors. Why did I do this to myself? The inevitable plan for reviewing all 14 Air Bud and Air Buddies movies is to cover them once a week, so why did I think marathoning Beethoven movies would be a good idea? I’m going to finish this–mostly out of spite–but then no more animal themed movies until at least November. Except maybe Pig.

  • What If…? – Season 1, Episode 3

    In the comics, What If? stories don’t typically have happy endings. Sure, there are exceptions like “What If the Thing Had Continued to Mutate?” (What If? #37, 1983) where Ben Grimm ends the story back in his human body and his girlfriend regained her ability to see. But in that same issue, “What If the Beast Had Truly Become a Beast?” sees Hank McCoy get dropped off in the Savage Land–a jungle filled with dinosaurs–because he had lost all of his intelligence and humanity. The first two episodes of What If…? definitely had their sad moments, but things generally worked…

  • Beethoven’s 5th (2003)

    In a sane world, this would be the last Beethoven movie. Sure, in a saner world there would would only have been the original movie and none of these sequels, but either way that’s not the world we live in. No, when both The Land Before Time and Air Bud franchises have 14 movies each, we clearly live under the oppressive boot of capitalism, taking your nostalgia and trying to wring as much profit out of it as it can. So here we are with Beethoven’s 5th, the film that feels like a Scooby-Doo episode. Maybe that’s why I didn’t…

  • Beethoven’s 4th (2001)

    Were you aware there was a fourth Beethoven film? I can’t really say that I did before buying the complete Beethoven DVD collection for a friend. But are you ready for a bigger shock? Not only is this not the last movie about this particular big dog, but it’s not even the last of the numbered movies. But the franchise reboot is a post for another day; today we’re still with the new Newtons from Beethoven’s 3rd and the worst version of the dog. Oh joy.

  • Beethoven’s 3rd (2000)

    The Beethoven movies are apparently lucrative. The first film, Beethoven, was popular enough that a sequel, Beethoven’s 2nd, was quickly made for release the next year. Sure, the second one didn’t get very good reviews, but that never really stopped anyone before. It did seem to put off any more sequels for while, though; Beethoven’s 3rd came out 7 years after its predecessor. It was straight to DVD and had none of the original cast. But how do you tell the story of this particular dog, beloved by his family, if you don’t have that particular family? Why, you mail…

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