Surprise, bitches! I don't know why I said that, you are lovely readers and I treasure each and every one of you. Anyway, this is a super extra bonus post! Did you really think that I would end October on a meh film like Children of the Corn: Runaway? Hell no! I saved my favorite horror movie of all time for a special Saturday/Halloween post! At least that's the excuse as to why I waited 10 months to talk about The Descent.
We are so close to finishing October of the Corn... And October too, but this spooky month doesn't exhaust me like these last few Children of the Corn movies do, and the remake to 1984's Children of the Corn is no exception. This film is far more faithful to the original short story, but at what cost? For me the cost is that it's an absolute slog to get through. So without further ado...
What's this? A surprise Thursday post? That's right, it's time for another month-long event! Every weekday in October I'll have a horror movie post ready for you, dear reader(s). In previous years I've done personal things like "Chwineka Watches 31 Netflix Horror Movies for October" (or CW31NHMO for short), but ain't nobody got time for posting EVERY day. Also I have far more streaming services at my fingertips, so movies will be coming from all over the internet. Anyway, let's start the month off with something actually good: Robert Eggers' second movie, The Lighthouse.
Have you noticed that a good chunk of horror media uses easily recognizable creatures but avoids naming them as such? Like, those aren't zombies in The Walking Dead; they're "walkers" or "biters" or whatever. In 28 Days Later they're called "the infected." And in 2007's I Am Legend those aren't "vampires;" they're... actually I don't know what those creatures are supposed to be, but they're vampires in the source material. What I'm trying to say is I didn't hear the word "alien" in this movie until about an hour and 22 minutes in, despite just about everyone watching the movie realizing early on this is about aliens. The trailer's even less subtle!
I know I complained about it in the Paranormal Investigation post, but man, movies about ghosts with absolutely no special effects suck. I guess it can rarely work--The Blair Witch Project, while not about a ghost per say, has no special effects and is amazing--but no effects AND a complete lack of effort a bad movie make. Throw in a title like Cold Creepy Feeling--sometimes called Cold Creepy Feeling: Paranormal Exorcism for unknown reason--and we have a hat trick of suck.
I know that one or two of you were expecting an X-Men: First Class review to happen this week, but I need a break from big budget franchises (not stopping Mummy Mondays though, sorry not sorry). Why watch movies that people have actually heard of when I can go back to talking about the weirdest shit no one but me cares about? Gotta stick to my brand! With that out of the way, today I'm talking about a movie I've mentioned previously on this blog: Honeymoon.
Is this really the first zombie movie I’ve reviewed here? Huh. Makes sense, as it’s not my favorite horror subgenre and I don’t own many zombie movies, but it’s still a bit surprising. But Dead & Breakfast is not just a zombie movie, though! It’s a horror comedy about an undead spirit possessing the inhabitants of a tiny town, trying to murder everyone they come across and adding the bodies to its growing army. There’s also a zombie line dancing sequence. But let’s start at the beginning.
This is–apparently–a very divisive movie. Looking up online ratings and reviews, it sure seems like most of the people who watched YellowBrickRoad hated it. But I don’t get that at all; I adore this movie, warts and all.
I’m just going to come out and say it: I’m not a dog person. I had a couple dogs growing up and they were… not ideal. I’ve never felt super comfortable around dogs, let alone a big dog. And let me tell you, Buck in this movie is a VERY BIG dog. Or, more accurately, a very big computer generated creature in the shape of a dog.
There is criminal activity going on in my local theaters this year and I’m getting fed up with it. It started with Color Out of Space, which got a one day screening all over my city and then disappeared except for a single showing at night in Seattle. Next was The Lodge, which never even reached anywhere close to me. I guess they technically count as “indie movies,” but they were horror movies I was excited to see and they disappeared before I got a chance!