Brahms: The Boy II (2020)

Do I get my “horror movie fan” card revoked if I say that I didn’t hate this movie? As of writing this, Brahms: The Boy II sits at 10% on Rotten Tomatoes, tied with Fantasy Island (which I hated a lot). Granted, Rotten Tomatoes is not the best site to rely on, but still… I don’t think this movie was THAT bad.

The Call of the Wild (2020)

I’m just going to come out and say it: I’m not a dog person. I had a couple dogs growing up and they were… not ideal. I’ve never felt super comfortable around dogs, let alone a big dog. And let me tell you, Buck in this movie is a VERY BIG dog. Or, more accurately, a very big computer generated creature in the shape of a dog.

The Mummy’s Curse (1944)

It’s time for another Mummy Monday review! Released the same year as The Mummy’s Ghost, this movie takes place 25 years later in a (the?) bayou. Didn’t the last movie have Kharis walk into a Massachusetts swamp? Doesn’t a 25 year time jump a few movies after a 30 year jump mean this movie takes place around the year 1999? It’s best not to ask too many questions, you’ll only get your hopes up.

Fantasy Island (2020)

There is criminal activity going on in my local theaters this year and I’m getting fed up with it. It started with Color Out of Space, which got a one day screening all over my city and then disappeared except for a single showing at night in Seattle. Next was The Lodge, which never even reached anywhere close to me. I guess they technically count as “indie movies,” but they were horror movies I was excited to see and they disappeared before I got a chance!

The Muppets’ Wizard of Oz (2005)

Full disclosure, this wasn’t the movie I planned on posting today. Not too long ago I had picked up a copy of The Devil’s Rain, a 1975 cult movie starring William Shatner minus his eyes, Ernest Borgnine as a goatman, and was the film debut of one Mr. John Travolta. And it was… fine. The effects were nice and the story was kind of lame, but cult movies aren’t generally known for being conventionally good. After watching it at Movie Night I was preparing myself to write up a review, but… I just couldn’t. There was another movie that we watched the same night that haunted me. A confusing mess that just wouldn’t leave my brain, forcing me to inflict it on the world.

Dreamcatcher (2003)

Movie adaptations of Mr. Stephen King’s books are really hit or miss. Some like The Shining become classics, while others like The Langoliers have flying walnuts with teeth. I feel like Dreamcatcher is closer to the latter, mostly because the aliens here are fungal dick snakes with vagina dentata mouths that burst out of your ass.

The Mummy’s Tomb (1942)

Mummy Monday is back at it again, this time with a direct continuation of The Mummy’s Hand! Set 30 years after the previous movie (but filmed 2 years later), we see the return of several characters made up to look much older. And of course, the return of Kharis, this time played by Lon Chaney Jr., who is more known for playing the Wolf Man. And much later a mummified werewolf in Face of the Screaming Werewolf. Why not?

Gretel & Hansel (2020)

Mr. Oz “Osgood” Perkins (son of Psycho actor Anthony Perkins) has directed 3 movies now, Gretel & Hansel being his most recent and the only one he didn’t write, so it’s hard for me to say he has a specific “director trademark.” All three movies are a bit slow (some slower than others) and there is a tendency towards awkward narration. But where I thought I Am the Pretty Thing That Lives in the House was okay and The Blackcoat’s Daughter was pretty good, I adore Gretel & Hansel.